Their Scars
by MrsTateLangdon
Summary: Everyone has scars—some just have more than others. Jace/Clary Rated M to be safe.
1. Chapter 1

******Hello. This is my first Mortal Instruments Fanfic. Please tell me what you think. Sorry if there are grammar or spelling mistakes. Please tell me if there are and I'll fix them.**

**Hope you like it! :)**

**I do not own any characters...unfortunately.**

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August 27.

Jace laid in his bed with a pillow over his face. He knew what today was. He dreaded it every year. It made him want to end it. But then he'd think of him and remember that he wouldn't want that.

Four years ago, when Jace was thirteen and Max was seven, his life changed. His step-parents, Maryse and Robert Lightwood, were out shopping for the barbeque they were having and left Jace and Max home while Isabelle and Alec were out with friends. Max and Jace were outside on the patio in the backyard. They were just messing and playing around by the in-ground pool. Then, Jace told his little brother that he had to go to the bathroom and he wanted him to stay inside until he was done so that nothing would happen to him.

Jace knew he had to be quick in the bathroom with his little brother just on the other side of the door waiting for him. As soon as he was finished he opened the door. Max was gone. Jace walked through all of the rooms calling for his brother. "It's not time for hide and seek, Max!" he called. He walked through the kitchen and something out the window caught his eye.

His heart sank. "No," he breathed.

He busted out of the kitchen door and onto the patio where the pool was. Ice ran through his veins as he sprinted to the pool. Max was floating face-down in the pool. Fear continued to run through his body as Jace dove in after his brother.

He pulled his brother up onto the patio and tried everything he knew to get him to cough up the water. He felt for a pulse. Nothing. Frantically, he started CPR again but it was no use. Tears streaming down his face mixed with the chlorine water from the pool. Jace pulled his little brother's limp, lifeless body into his arms and held him tight, racking sobs taking over.

_I killed my brother_, he thought. Then he cried out and clutched Max even more.

Even now, four years later, Jace could recall the whole day like it happened yesterday. Everyone took it hard. Max was a ray of light, a star, and practically the glue that held the family together. He always knew how to brighten your day and wasn't afraid to tell you if you were in the wrong. He had kept Jace in line.

"I'm so sorry, Max. I love you, buddy. I'm sorry," Jace whispered to his dark room.

He slowly sat up and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. He ran a hand through his messy blonde hair. He glanced at the clock on his nightstand, 5:36. Jace groaned and got up, walking to his bathroom to take a shower. He stood there and let the hot water run over him. Just being alive today made him almost physically sick. He couldn't bear it. He couldn't bear being alive when his brother was dead. He let him die. He killed his brother, so he deserved to die as well.

Jace turned off the water and stepped out of the shower. He walked out of the bathroom into his room and sat down at his desk. He opened the bottom drawer and slid back the false bottom. He pulled out the razor blades that he kept hidden in there. Still without a shirt due to his shower, Jace stretched out his arms in front of him and examined them. Dozens and dozens of white scars and fresh red lines and gashes filled his arms. A row of parallel cuts ran along the inside of his right arm. They stopped about two inches from his wrist.

Taking a blade in his left hand, he ran it along his skin leaving five more deep cuts-one for every year Max was gone and one for good measure-that were parallel to the ones before them. Blood immediately surfaced and ran down his arm.

Relief. Temporary, but relief. Jace let go of the breath he was unaware that he was holding and took a tissue and wiped up the blood that had dripped onto his desk. _I could end it_, he thought. _I could end it and be with Max. I deserve to die_. But then, Jace thought of Max, thought of what he would tell him in this kind of situation. He knew that it would be along the lines of, "Hold on, Jacey, you're strong," or "I love you, Jacey, don't do this to yourself."

With Max in mind, Jace stepped back into his bathroom to clean up his arm.

After putting on a long sleeve gray shirt, jeans, and his black Converse, Jace grabbed his bag and headed down the stairs. Walking into the kitchen, he found Isabelle and Alec waiting for him. Isabelle was in her usually ridiculous first day of school outfit while Alec just wore his usual.

When they saw their brother, Isabelle said, "We're all accounted for, let's head out." She lead them out of the house onto the sidewalk. They walked side-by-side to school. Isabelle took Jace's and Alec's hand in hers. Today, they just needed each other. And they needed a distraction. This year, school would distract him.

When they got there, they snagged a picnic table in the corner in the courtyard in front of the school. Simon, a friend of theirs, walked up and sat next to Isabelle.

"What's up, Izzy?" he asked, nudging her playfully.

Jace could have sworn he saw her blush but it was gone too quickly.

"I'm fine, Simon," she said in and obviously faked indifferent voice.

Everyone knew that they liked each other, they just didn't want to admit it so they played this stupid game.

"Well," Jace said, pushing himself up from the table, "I'm going to leave you two love birds alone." He tapped Izzy on the nose and smirked. They both blushed and looked embarrassed. He left and walked behind the school and leaned against the brick wall. He closed his eyes and let his thoughts take over. He slid down the wall and sat on the ground. He reached his hand into his bag and pulled out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. He lit one and took a long drag. He usually never smoked, but today was an exception. He needed an extra relief.

He didn't know long he sat there before someone kicked his leg. He didn't want to be bothered so he didn't respond, hoping whoever it was would just go away. They kicked him again, not forcefully, but definitely not just a nudge. They kicked again and Jace lazily lifted one eyelid and saw a short girl with fiery red hair.

"Hey, would you mind stopping that?" Jace asked bitterly. "Some people like to be left alone." He closed his eyes and hoped again that she would leave but she didn't. She nudged him with her toe.

"I'm only bothering you because my lighter is out of fluid and I'd like to have a cigarette before I start my first day here in this hell-hole," she said.

Jace slowly opened both of his eyes and stared at the girl. It took all he had not to gasp. He thought she was beautiful. She was short and thin. She had curly, bright red hair and her eyes were a fierce green Her clothes showed that you didn't want to mess with her. Not biker chick or bad-ass, they just said 'stay away.'

She nudged him again. "Aye, I'm talking to you."

"Yes?" He lifted an eyebrow.

"Ugh, you're impossible." She shook her head. "I asked if I could use your lighter."

"What makes you think I should give it to you?" He flashed her a small grin.

She sighed and looked down at the lighter sitting on his left leg. In one swift move, before he could stop her, she swooped down and snatched it off of his lap.

"Hey, Red!"

She laughed but it didn't reach her eyes. She pulled out a cigarette and lit one. She threw the lighter back at Jace and slid down the wall next to him. She took a drag before tilting her head to get a look at him.

"Are those contacts?" she asked.

"What?"

"Your eyes. Are they contacts?"

"Oh...no, they're not." Jace slipped his lighter back into his bag. He closed his eyes again, wishing that this beautiful redhead would just leave him alone.

"I've never seen eyes like yours before. I think they're pretty."

Jace's eyes shot open and looked at the girl. She smiled and again, like her laugh, it didn't reach her eyes. He suddenly felt bad for this girl. He didn't know why. It was a foreign feeling for him. He never felt bad or sorry for someone.

"What's your name?" he asked.

She stared at him for a moment then, "Clary. Clary Fray."

_Clary_, he thought. _Pretty name._ He smiled.

"What about you?" she asked.

He hesitated for a moment. "Jace."

"Just Jace?"

"Of course not."

"So what's your last name then?"

"I don't know that I should tell you. Mommy tells me not to talk to strangers." He spoke in a childish voice.

Clary rolled her eyes and said, "But I'm not a stranger. You know my name now."

"Herondale."

"What?"

The bell rang and Jace stood up, wanting to leave. He walked away without saying anything to Clary.

It took a few seconds but then Clary understood. His last name was Herondale. Jace Herondale.

Looking to make sure no one was around, she tried it out. "Jace Herondale." She liked the way it rolled off her tongue. She got up and went in the school. She really hoped her first day didn't suck too much.

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**I know this is pretty dark so far. Sorry, I had to put in the whole thing with Max and then Jace for the sake of the story. I promise that every chapter won't be depressing like this one. Please tell me what you think. Should I continue? Please review:)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello! Thanks to everyone who read my story/followed/Favorited/reviewed. It seriously makes my day:) I'm going to try and update a chapter per day...that is, if i should continue...? Let me know:) Hope you like it:)**

**I still don't own characters...darn...**

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Jace had History first period. He hated it. The teacher droned on about how the year was going to be 'fun-filled and fantastic!' Jace didn't care how fun it was going to be, he was still probably going to fail. He failed history last year because the teacher wouldn't help him when he asked. He practically ran out of the room when the bell rang, he was that eager to get out of there.

Second period was Biology II. He had done okay in Bio I so he figured this class would be easy. Between the teacher talking and the handouts, Jace realized that he might actually have to do stuff in this class.

He glanced around the room. He saw her. She was sitting in the back by herself with her head down. Her fiery red hair fell around her.

"Everybody stand up!" the teacher-Mr. Brooks Jace thought-called. "I'm going to be giving you assigned seats. The person you sit with will be your lab partner for the rest of the year. No exceptions."

Most of the class groaned at that. The teacher started calling out names and people filled in their new seats.

Jace heard his name. "Jace Herondale and Clary Fray!" The teacher pointed at a table in the back and Jace hurried to it. He watched Clary lazily get up and slump back down on the seat next to Jace.

When the teacher was done with assigning seats, he gave them the rest of class to 'get acquainted.'

Jace poked Clary. She stirred but didn't pick up her head so he poked her again.

Her head snapped up. "What?" she hissed.

"Teacher says we have to talk."

"Screw the teacher."

"I don't roll that way."

"What?"

"Nevermind. The moment is passed."

"Your bizarre."

"I know."

Clary stared at him. Her gaze made him feel like she could see through all of his guards, all of his walls that he'd built around himself. He had and uneasy feeling.

She looked away. "Are you good at Biology?"

"Well, I didn't fail when I took Bio I."

"What was your grade?"

"I got a D for the year," Jace responded proudly. He grinned.

Clary rolled her eyes. "Great," she said, "I'm going to fail."

"No, no, no." Jace shook his head. "We're going to _almost_ fail. It's not the same thing. I promise."

She laughed but he could tell it was half forced.

"What class do you have next period?" he asked.

"Art."

"I'll walk you."

"Good, because I don't know where the room is."

She smiled and put her head back on the desk, burying her head in her arms. Jace took this time to study her.

She wore dark jeans tucked into black boots with laces and buckles. Her belt had studs on it and she had on a black t-shirt with an oversized gray cardigan over top. There was a green messenger bag slung across her body. He liked it. He thought her outfit suit her. Dark yet beautiful. Also, it was like she was hiding under all of those clothes. Why was she wearing a cardigan? It was summer and all of the girls Jace knew always wore short shorts and skimpy tank-tops.

He was still thinking about Clary when the bell rang. He stood up and waited for Clary to pull her self up and smooth out her clothes.

"Ready?" he asked.

She turned around and walked to the door. He caught up with her.

"Hey, Red, don't hurry too much-you don't know where you're going."

She slowed and Jace fell in step with her. They didn't speak on the way to the art room. When they got there, Clary muttered "Thanks" and then hurried into the room, leaving Jace in the hallway. He went to his class.

_Finally,_ Jace thought as he rushed to his last period class. Trigonometry. He hated math. Partially because he wasn't good at it and partially because he hated school. He walked into room 39 and sat down at a desk in the back corner. He watched as everyone filed in. This turned out to be a large class. All but one seat- the one to the right of Jace- was filled. The teacher started roll-call.

"Clary Fray?"

Jace looked around the room. He didn't see her bright hair.

"Clary Fray?" the teacher asked again.

"Sorry." Clary stepped into the room. Her face was pink with embarrassment. "I got lost. I'm new here."

"Oh, that's quite alright, dear. Just sit back there." She pointed to the seat next to Jace.

The teacher continued with roll-call and Clary made her way to the back of the room. She looked up at Jace and caught his gaze. There was a trace of a smile on his lips when she sat down next to him.

"And we meet again," Jace whispered. Clary just rolled her eyes.

The teacher talked for about ten minutes and then gave the class a packet to work on. She gave them fifteen minutes to work by themselves and see how much they could do, and then the rest of the class period they would work with the person next to them, comparing answers.

Jace stared at the paper in front of him. He knew nothing. Nothing. He flipped through all of the pages but couldn't find a single problem that he understood.

He looked at the first problem on the page. "_The Colorado river drops from 3200 feet at Lake Mead to 900 feet elevation at Lee's Ferry, a river distance of 270 miles. What is the gradient in degrees?_"

How was he supposed to know? He didn't know how to do this. He glanced at Clary. She was on the second page and was writing away. She must have felt his eyes on her because she stopped what she was doing and looked up, sighing. Jace thought he caught her smiling. Then she turned her head and looked him in the eyes. He bit his lip, embarrassed for being caught staring, and looked back down at his paper.

"Okay," the teacher said, "Time to work with the person next to you."

Clary turned to Jace. "What did you get for the first one?"

"What did you get?"

"0.11 degrees."

"Oh, yeah, that's what I got too," Jace lied.

"Good. How about number two?"

He didn't say anything.

"What did you get for the second one, Blondie?"

"Red," he shot back.

"Just tell me what you got."

"I didn't."

"What?"

"I-I didn't get that far..." He looked away.

"You didn't get to the second problem?"

Jace didn't meet her eyes. "I'm not that good at math," he said quietly.

"So did you even do the first one?"

He didn't answer.

"You could have just told me, you know."

"I'm not real big in telling people how stupid I am." Jace looked at her.

"You're not stupid. You just struggle in math. That doesn't make someone stupid."

"I guess."

Jace hated how Clary could make him talk. He never talked to anyone. He would just mind his own business. He hadn't talked with a girl in four years-excluding his sister, Izzy. In fact, he really hadn't spoken with anyone for four years. After what happened, he distanced himself. _To love is to destroy, and that to be loved is to be destroyed._ Jace didn't want to hurt anyone else. He'd already killed his brother by his carelessness and he wasn't going to let that happen to anyone else.

He noticed Clary looking at him. "I know I'm stunning but you don't have to stare."

Her cheeks went pink and she quickly looked down at her paper. She started working on another problem. She stopped abruptly and looked at Jace. She was looking at him intently.

"Yes?" he asked, teasingly.

"N-n-nothing," she stammered. She paused and then, "I just-I was-I was thinking that if your not too good at math that I-I could tutor you or something." She shook her head. "I know I'm the new girl and everything and we don't know each other but it was just an idea."

"Yeah," Jace said before he could stop himself. _What?_ "I'd like that. I could most definitely use the help." He grinned.

"Okay," she said and smiled. This time, it reached her eyes. She actually smiled and Jace loved it.

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	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you to everyone who read my story/followed it/favorited it/ reviewed. It means a lot:) Here's the third chapter. Let me know what you think of it:)**

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**Jace POV**

Walking down the hallway after school let out, Jace spotted Clary by her bright red hair. He walked up to her and and leaned against a locker, waiting for her to look at him. When she did, she looked surprised.

"Hi," she muttered.

"Since the teacher assigned the rest of that packet for homework, do you think we could do some tutoring tonight?" Jace asked.

"Um..." she trailed off. Then, "Yeah, I think that will work."

"Good." He grinned and handed her a piece of paper that he had written his address on. "My house isn't far from here."

She nodded.

"Does six o'clock work for you?" he asked.

"Yes."

"Okay, I'll see you then, Red." He straightened and then walked away.

When he got home, he went straight to his bedroom and closed the door. He thought of his day.

He'd woken up agitated because school started but he had an extra burden today. Then he'd met Clary. She was perfect and beautiful, yet dark and almost secretive. When he talked to her, she seemed just as uncomfortable speaking to another person as he was. He knew that on that level, they were the same.

But, you see, Jace hadn't always been this way. Before Max died he was a normal, bubbly 13 year-old. Of course, he would make snarky comments and was a jerk sometimes but he had been happy. Ever since the tragedy, Jace hasn't been happy once. He spent most of his time alone in his room.

He glanced around at the clothes and other items that were on his floor. _I should clean up since Clary is coming over._ He started picking things up when there was a soft knock at the door.

"Come in," Jace mumbled.

The door creaked open and Alec was standing in the hall. He had a puzzled look on his face when he walked in. He sat down on Jace's bed and swept his gaze across the room before landing on his brother.

"You're cleaning," he commented.

Jace nodded. "I do that occasionally."

"So what's the occasion?"

Jace paused. Should he tell him? "I'm having a friend over. They're going to help me with math."

"Oh." Alec looked at him skeptically. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Jace said a little too quickly. He looked over his shoulder at Alec. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"You know why. We all have a hard time on this day."

"Well I'm fine, Alec."

"I know you're not."

Jace spun around. "You don't know how I feel, Alec, nor do you know if I'm fine or not-which I am. You don't understand. No one understands." His voice started to waver so he stopped talking and turned back around to continue putting things away.

Alec got up from the bed and walked to Jace. He placed his hand on his shoulder in an act to be comforting but it was shrugged off. Jace walked away from him.

"You know what, Jace?" Alec said bitterly.

"Hmm?"

"You're not the only one suffering. We all lost Max. We _all_ did. You act like you're the only one who's affected by this. You're a gloomy and mopy and you act like it's all about you. 'Poor me. I'm sad.'"

Jace snapped. He whipped around and grabbed Alec by the shoulders and threw him against the wall. He fisted his hand into his shirt and put his face centimeters from his brother's.

"You think this is about me? _Me_? You think that I'm gloomy and don't care that everyone is hurting? You think that? Well, Alec, let me ask you: we're you in charge of watching you're little brother when he died? Did you see you're little brother in that pool? Did you pull him from the water and try to make him cough up water? Did you feel for a pulse and find nothing? Did you hold you're _dead_ little brother in your arms?"

Alec's eyes had widened in what looked like fear and was speechless. Jace shook his head and let go of his brother. He walked over and flopped onto his bed. Alec made his way out hurriedly. _What did I do?_ Jace asked himself. He'd never gotten violent with anyone. Especially his family. He'd never been that angry. _How could Alec think that, though? That I tried to make everything about me? Me? How did I make anything about me? My brother died, I have a good reason to be sad. And I've never thought that no one else was suffering. I knew they were. They still are. We still are._

He ran his fingers through his hair and looked around his room. Everything was pretty much clean so he figured he'd call it quits. He walked to his bookshelf, pulled out his well-read copy of To Kill A Mockingbird, and went back to his bed to read. Around five-thirty, Isabelle announced that dinner was ready.

Walking into the kitchen, Jace eyed the food nervously. "Did you make this, Isabelle?"

"No, silly," she said as she walked over to him. She ruffled his hair. "I know how you all hate my cooking. I ordered in tonight."

Jace smoothed his hair and grabbed a plate. He didn't feel hungry but he'd eat anyways. He took a small amount of food and turned to walk back upstairs when Isabelle stopped him.

"You're only eating that? Even when Mom isn't here to yell at you for eating too much?"

"I'm not that hungry, Izzy."

She shot him a disbelieving look but let him go to his room. He finished his dinner just as Izzy called up the steps.

"Jace, someone's here for you!"

He hurried down the stairs and put his plate in the kitchen. He had a giddy, nervous feeling. It was a new feeling and he didn't quite know what to do. He made his way to the door, where he found Izzy and Clary, who was looking around awkwardly. As soon as Jace walked up to them his sister left, leaving him alone with Clary. She was wearing the same thing as before but her fiery hair was braided back.

"I thought we could go to my room," Jace said. He started to the stairs and motioned for Clary to follow him. They climbed the stairs and Jace was all too aware of their close proximity. Clary followed him to his room and paused at the doorway.

"You can come in," he said as he sat down on his bed.

She looked around, taking in her surroundings, as she joined him on the bed. She took her messenger back off her shoulder and opened it. She dug around before pulling out the Trig packet.

"Could we work at you're desk?" she asked.

He nodded and got up. She followed and he pulled out the chair for her. He pulled another chair up to the desk and sat beside her.

"So, you said you didn't even do the first problem?"

"Nope."

"Okay."

She started explaining how to do find the answer but Jace zoned out. He was thinking about her. They were so close that he could smell her. It was a sweet scent and it intoxicated him. This was also a foreign feeling. Clary's voice took him out of his trance.

"Jace? Did you get any of that? Jace?"

"Hmm?"

"Did you hear me? I just explained the whole problem."

He bit his lip. "No," he whispered.

The corners of her mouth turned up slightly as she sighed.

"Do you want me to explain it again?"

"Actually," Jace said. "Could we just talk?"

Clary raised an eyebrow. "Sure?"

He smiled.

"So what's on your mind?"

He hesitated. "Well...I just..." he trailed off. "Let's talk about you. Why did you move here? Where are you from?"

"I'm from Chicago. My mom, step-father, and I moved here because of my mom's job. She's an artist. There are more job opportunities here than there are in Chicago."

"She's an artist?"

"Yeah, she's really good."

"Are you an artist too?"

"I-well, sort of."

Jace let out a small laugh. "How can you 'sort of' be an artist?"

"Well, I draw but I'm not that good."

"You probably are."

"Eh, I wouldn't say that."

"Do you have any drawings with you?"

Clary got up and went to her bag on his bed. She pulled out a black notebook. She walked back to Jace and handed it to him.

He ran his hand along the smooth leather before opening it. What he saw took his breath away. There was a sketch of a house surrounded by a meadow on the first page. It was incredibly detailed and expertly shaded. It looked like a black and white photo.

He leafed through the rest of the drawings. A forest, a beach, a couple kissing, a fairy, a boy playing guitar, a library. The last picture caught his attention. It was a girl in a bathroom looking in the mirror. She had a razor blade in her hand and it was pressed to her wrist, blood running down her arm.

Jace stared at it for just a moment before Clary gasped and slammed her sketch book closed, ripping it from his fingers. She turned around, walked to his bed, and slipped the book back into her messenger bag.

Jace got up and walked to her. He touched her arm. As soon as his fingers touched her, she spun around to face him, eyes wide and a pink tint to her cheeks.

"I'm sorry," he said.

She took a deep breath, looked around the room, and nodded without looking at him.

"Let's just work on the math." She walked to the desk and seated herself. Jace hesitated before following her. She started explaining again but he didn't listen. He just pretended like he understood. His thoughts were elsewhere.

Who was this girl? What was her story? She obviously had a dark past-maybe even a dark present-because of that drawing. It also hit a certain spot inside of Jace. He thought of the feeling he got when he slid a razor across his skin. The relief that swept over him. Clary's drawing seemed to capture that relief.

When Clary was done with the math it was quarter after seven. She packed up her things and followed Jace downstairs.

"Do you want me to walk you home?" he asked.

"No, I'm fine."

"Are you sure? You don't really know your way around yet."

"Would it be a bother?" she asked. Her voice was small.

"No, not at all."

"Okay. Thanks."

Jace opened the door and followed Clary down the steps and onto the sidewalk. He walked beside her at a comfortable distance.

"To be honest," she said, kicking a stone in front of her, "I'm glad that you're walking me home because I was a little scared to be walking streets that I didn't know."

"It's no problem," Jace said. "It's the least I could do."

"Yeah..."

They fell into silence. They walked a block or so before Clary said they were close. She stopped in front of a simple blue, two-story house. She turned to face Jace.

"Well, this is my house."

He nodded.

"Thanks for walking me home."

"Thanks for helping me."

"No problem."

"So, I'll see you at school tomorrow," Jace said as he stuck his hands into his pockets.

"Yeah." She opened the gate in the fence. "Good night."

"Good night, Clary."

She smiled and turned around. He waited for her to go inside before he started for his own house. When he got there he went straight to his room. He laid down on his bed, thinking for awhile before slipping into a dream filled sleep.

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**Please review:)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello there! Thank you soooooooo much for the reviews, follows, and favorites. It means so much:) I really like knowing what you think.**

**A BIG thank you to xxxfae. legendsxxx! (sorry i had to separate your username. It wouldn't save when i put in your actual username. strange... sorry!)  
**

**So here's chapter 4. It's kinda long-ish...**

**Enjoy!:)**

**I don't own anything. :(**

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_Jace woke up and rolled over. His hand hit something. He looked to see what it was and he got a surprise. Next to him was a sleeping Clary. _She looks so peaceful,_ he thought. Just then, her eyes fluttered open and she met Jace's eyes._

"_Morning, Red," he said, tapping her nose._

_She giggled. "Morning, Jace."_

"_You're so peaceful when you sleep." He reached up and brushed her hair out of her face._

_She smiled nervously. His hand trailed down and he held her cheek. She looked away so Jace brought his lips to hers and kissed her. She kissed him back._

_Then she pushed him away suddenly. "No, Jace. I can't be with you. You hurt everyone you care about. I can't put myself in that position."_

_She stood up from the bed._

"_I don't understand,Clary."  
_

_"I'm leaving, Jace. I can't stay with you. I'm leaving now and never seeing you again. You killed your brother and you hurt your family, I can't be with you."_

_He sat up. "No, Clary. Don't do this. You're the only one who understands. You're the only one I can talk to. Please don't leave me."_

"_Jace, if I don't leave, you're going to hurt me."_

"_No, Clary. Please. I won't hurt you. Please."  
_

_"Jace, I'm leaving."  
_

_"Clary, please," he begged. Tears were running down his face and obscuring his vision._

"_No, Jace. You'll just hurt me like you do with everyone. I'm leaving. Never talk to me. Never."_

Jace sat straight up in his bed. He was breathing very heavily and sweating. He rubbed his eyes and found that he had been crying. _It's just a dream,_ he told himself. _It's a dream about a girl you don't even know. Why is this affecting you?_ Because, he answered himself, it's not who said it, it's what she said. " _You killed your brother and you hurt your family."_

Jace already knew that. He told himself that everyday. There was just something different about someone else saying it that must have put it into context for him.

Needing a little relief, Jace pulled off the covers and got up from his bed. He walked to his desk and opened the bottom drawer, pulling out a blade. He cut a line-not too deep, just enough pain to give him the relief he needed right now. He wiped away the blood that surfaced and laid back down on his bed, wishing for sleep to recapture him.

Three more days passed. It was Friday-the first football game of the season. The entire school was excited, except Jace and Clary. The pair had become friends over mutual classes and her tutoring him. She'd come over every day at the same time to work on the Trigonometry assignment. She explained things well and Jace was beginning to understand the material. After they were done, they would talk. Just little things, though.

Jace grabbed his books and started walking to his last class of the day. Today was the first quiz of the school year in math. He was determined to pass it. He felt a lot more confident with Clary's help.

He was almost to the classroom when someone shoved him. He fell against the lockers and his books tumbled to the floor. They grabbed his shoulder and pushed him to the locker again.

Sebastian Verlac.

"Hey, Herondale," he spat. "You better watch it. I hear you're making a move on my girl."

"Who's _you're girl_?" Jace was very confused.

"Maia Roberts." He pushed him again.

Jace furrowed his eyebrows. "I don't know what you're talking about. I haven't-"

He was cut off by Sebastian punching him in the stomach, leaving him gasping for air. He let go of Jace and he almost fell to the floor.

"Stay away from her if you know what's good for you."

Then he was gone.

Jace picked up his books, holding his stomach, and walked to class.

"What's wrong, Jace?" Clary asked when she saw him.

"It's nothing, I'm fine."

She looked at him skeptically but didn't push any further. "So are you ready for the quiz?"

"As ready as I can be."

The teacher handed out the quizzes. Jace looked down at the paper and he surprisingly knew most of the answers. He worked right up to the bell and felt pretty confident in his work. He gave the teacher his paper and went to his locker. When he put everything into his bag, he closed his locker and revealed Clary.

"Hi," he muttered. He turned around and started down the hall.

Clary caught up with him. "Jace, are you going to the football game tonight?"

He looked at her. "Probably not. I haven't been to one of those since freshman year and that was two years ago."

"Oh."

They walked through the glass doors and into the courtyard.

"Do you want to go tonight?"

Jace stopped. Clary did too. "What?"

"Since I'm new," she explained, "I thought I should go to the season opener, you know. Pick up some school spirit or something."

"'School spirit'?" Jace snorted. "Do you really want school spirit? I hate this hell-hole."

"I don't know. I just-"

"I get it. And yeah, I'll come to the game tonight. I can't guarantee I'll be any fun but I'll be there."

Clary smiled and it wasn't forced. "Okay."

Jace said goodbye and walked to where Alec and Isabelle were waiting for him.

"Who was that you were talking to?" Izzy asked.

"A friend," Jace mumbled as he started walking. His siblings followed him.

"A friend?" Alec asked.

"Yes, a friend, Alec. I'm allowed to have those."

"I know you just haven't-" He was cut off by Izzy clapping her hand to his mouth. They exchanged glances and she dropped her hand. Jace rolled his eyes.

"So," Izzy said, changing the subject. "I have to be at the school at six-thirty for cheerleading for the game tonight."

"I'll go with you," Alec said.

"Okay. How about you, Jace? I know you don't like football games. What are you going to do tonight?"

"I'm going to the game."

They'd arrived at their house. He walked inside, leaving his siblings on the sidewalk. He ran up the stairs and went to his room, closing the door.

Around six o'clock, Jace started getting ready. He didn't know why, but he wanted to make an effort for Clary. He stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around his waist. He toweled his hair as he walked into his room.

After everything was said and done, he stood in front of the mirror to inspect himself. He had on dark jeans and a dark blue long sleeve shirt with a gray zipper hoodie over top. He was torn between wearing his boots or his Converse and decided on the latter. He ran his fingers through his golden hair and took a deep breath. He looked at the clock: 6:35. He grabbed his wallet from his desk and set out.

It was only a short walk to the football field, it was next to the school. As he got closer, he could hear the crowds. He saw Isabelle with the other cheerleaders and saw Alec making his way to the stands. He scanned the crowds of people waiting in line but he couldn't see Clary. He waited in line and got in to the stadium.

He looked around once he was inside and caught a glimpse of bright red. He did a double take. Yep, that was her. She was standing in the small ally between the building where the tickets were sold and the bleachers. He made his way to her.

"You showed," she said.

"I told you I would. I wouldn't lie to you," he replied truthfully.

The corner of her mouth twitched up. "Do you want to sit in the bleachers?'

"Nah, I'd rather not. I don't really like being around a lot of people." Jace felt embarrassed as soon as he admitted that. The words had tumbled out of his mouth before he had a chance to catch them.

"Me too."

His embarrassment dissolved. He offered a smile. "Let's just hang around at the fence."

She nodded. Jace led them to the fence that surrounded the field and track. He placed his elbows on it, leaning against it. Clary mirrored his movements.

The team was warming up. Jace saw Sebastian and his thoughts shot back to earlier that day. He'd punched him. For no reason. Well, he thought he had a reason but Jace hasn't even spoken with Mia in at least two years, let alone 'made a move' on her. Who had said that? Why did they want Sebastian to hurt him? Though if he tried to fight Jace, Jace would probably win. Sebastian might be the star quarterback but Jace could definitely take him down. He wasn't as tough as he was talked up to be.

"Look at that boy." Clary's voice brought Jace out of his thoughts.

"Where?"

She pointed to a boy sitting alone in the home stands. He had black hair that was spiked a little and full of glitter. He wore rainbow leather pants and a black jacket with glitter and buckles on it.

"Who is he?" she asked.

"Magnus Bane. I wouldn't get mixed in with him though. He's a good person, don't get me wrong. He was fine until he got in with the wrong group. Now, he's just not the same."

Clary frowned. "Poor boy."

Jace nodded. "You want to know a secret?"

She looked at him. "Sure?"

"My brother has a crush on him. Like, a _huge_ crush."

She laughed. "What? You're brother's gay?"

"Shh. He really hasn't come out yet, but yeah, he is."

"Hmm. I can see it."

"You don't know him though."

"Right, but I've seen him in the halls. He seemed like he was just a little too awkward for him to be straight."

Jace's jaw dropped. He laughed. "What? He's too awkward to be straight?" He continued laughing. It felt good. "Is that even a real thing?"

Clary started laughing too. "I know, it sounds silly but that's just what I thought."

He looked up and saw that the game had already started. They watched in silence. By the middle of the second quarter, night had already fallen.

"I'm going to get something to drink," Jace said. "Come with me? I'll buy you something if you want."

"Okay."

They weaved through the crowd to the concession stand. Jace ordered two hot chocolates and paid for them. As they waited for them, Clary looked around.

"This sucks," she said.

"Yeah, pretty much. That's why I don't go to these things."

The woman at the counter gave Jace the hot chocolates and they walked away. They were almost to the fence when Clary grabbed his arm.

"Let's get out of here."

He nodded. She hesitated and then slid her hand down his arm, taking his hand. What felt like electricity shot through Jace at her touch. She led them out of the stadium and onto the street. Still holding his hand, she started walking. After a little, she turned them off the street. She led him through a series of dirt paths until they were on the beach.

"How'd you do that?" Jace was impressed.

"Luke told me. He grew up around here and knows shortcuts. To be honest though, half of that was guessing."

He laughed. "So you could have gotten us lost?"

She pointed a finger. "But I didn't." She smiled, which then turned into a laugh. She let go of his hand and kicked off her boots and socks. She ran up to the water. Jace watched her a moment before following her. He stood close beside her. He didn't know why, but he felt like they both needed the closeness right now.

Clary sat down on the sand, her legs pulled to her chest and her arms wrapped around them. Jace awkwardly sat down next to her, crossing his legs. She was looking out at the ocean. He looked at her. This mysteriously dark girl. He'd learned a few things about her in the days that he'd known her but he knew there was so much more. So much that she hadn't told him. So much that she was hiding.

But he was hiding things too. For instance, when they talked about family, he didn't mention Max. He didn't want to bring that up. He didn't want to explain to her that he'd killed his brother. _"An accident,"_ they call it. Jace didn't believe that. You could label it as an accident, but he knew what he'd done, or rather, hadn't done. He was there when it happened, it was preventable, it wasn't an accident. He killed his brother. No one seemed to understand that.

"I like the ocean."

Clary had spoken. She turned and looked Jace in the eyes.

"Why do you like it?" he asked softly.

She turned back to the water. "It's free. It does what it wants without a care in the world. It's big and vast and limitless. It's dark and beautiful. It doesn't need anyone or anything."

She paused. Jace knew she wasn't done, so he remained silent, taking in her words.

"The world's a crazy place, you know? It's full of pain and despair. People lead meaningless lives for petty reasons. They hide their pain and hurt with like fake smiles and laughs. They do things like go to work or do something they think they love just to mask the pain. I don't do that. I embrace pain. I let it hurt me, because that's what it's for: hurting. I take all the pain I can get because it lets me know I'm still here. That I'm still alive. I hope that I'll be like the ocean someday and be without care. Some day when I've suffered enough and earned that happiness."

Instinctively, Jace put his arm around Clary's shoulders. He knew exactly what she meant. But he took pain for a different reason. He deserved to suffer and would never deserve to be happy, no matter how many times everyone told him that it wasn't his fault. They didn't know that he would never believe them. No one understood that.

Clary turned to look at Jace. The corners of her mouth upturned ever-so-slightly. "Thanks for dealing with me tonight. I know I'm a bother."

He took his arm from around her and shrugged. "You weren't that bad," he teased, trying to lighten the mood.

"There's just a lot of shit in my life and it's hectic-especially with this move and everything."

"I understand," he said softly.

She snapped her head to look at him. Eyes wide with almost resentment. "Don't say that."

He felt like Sebastian had punched him in the stomach again. _What did she mean? Why can't I say that? I wouldn't say something I didn't mean._

She stood up abruptly. "Don't ever say that to me, Jace."

He scrambled to his feet. "I don't lie," he whispered.

"But you don't _understand,_" she said, raising her voice.

"We're more alike than you know." His voice was small. He went to touch her arm but she backed away from him-fear evident in her eyes. _Was she afraid of me?_

She shook her head as she continued to take steps away from him. "No, we're not. You don't understand the shit in my life. I wouldn't expect you to." She stopped walking backwards and took a deep breath. "Just stay away from me."

Jace just stood there lamely, stunned. _What did she say?_

"Please," she whispered. She turned around, collected her boots and socks, and walked away.

Jace's first instinct was to run after her but he thought better of it. He sat back down on the sand, looking out at the water. Clary does deserve to be happy. He didn't know what 'shit' she was going through but he knew she probably suffered enough.

Whatever she was going through though, Jace probably didn't understand. She was probably correct. He wouldn't get it, but he could. He wanted her to talk to him about what was wrong but then he felt guilty. He hadn't really been truthful about what's wrong with him. He'd avoided telling her about himself. He didn't want to scare her because he killed his brother but he didn't want to get close to her either. He didn't want to hurt her like he hurts everyone else.

But why did she tell him to leave her alone? They haven't even been friends for a week and now she didn't want to talk to him? He was very confused.

He stood up and started home. He walked past the football field along the way and saw that his school had won the game. As he was walking, he found himself thinking of Clary. He also felt a tear slide down his cheek. _Why am I crying? I barely know her._

When he arrived at his house, Jace retreated to his room. A voice somewhere in his head answered his question. _You're crying because you know she's scared of you. She doesn't want to get close with someone who killed his brother. _But that couldn't be true, right? He hadn't told her about Max.

With confusion and anger at Clary but mostly himself, he sought after relief. He went to his desk and retrieved his razor blades. He took off his hoodie and rolled up his right sleeve to his elbow. Taking a blade, he added two more cuts to the parallel lines on the inside of his arm.

* * *

**You'll get Clary's POV from the beach in the next chapter. Things will make sense, I promise.**

**Please let me know what you think:) Review/favorite/follow:) I appreciate it soo much**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey guys! Thank you sooooooo much for all of the reviews, follows, and favorites! I get so happy when i see one. They mean so much:)**

**This chapter switches between Clary and Jace's POV. Hopefully the whole beach thing makes more sense after you read this. Also, you'll get a little of Clary's past.**

** I didn't really edit it that much so I'm really sorry if there are mistakes.**

**I don't own anything :(**

**Happy Reading! :)**

* * *

**Clary POV**

"You want to know a secret?"

Confused, she answered, "Sure?"

Jace pointed to Magnus. "My brother has a crush on him. Like, a _huge_ crush."

She laughed at that. "What? You're brother's gay?"

"Shh. He really hasn't come out yet, but yeah, he is."

She thought about it for a moment. "Hmm. I can see it."

"You don't know him though."

"Right, but I've seen him in the halls. He seemed like he was just a little too awkward for him to be straight."

Jace's jaw dropped. Literally. Then he laughed. "What?" he asked. "He's too awkward to be straight?" He kept laughing. "Is that even a real thing?"

She laughed too. "I know, it sounds silly but that's just what I thought."

They watched the game. Her new school's team was actually good. Although their quarterback should probably reason more. A few of his throws were ridiculous. Clary didn't even know anything about football and she knew they were terrible.

Halfway through the second quarter, when night had fallen, Jace spoke up.

"I'm going to get something to drink. Come with me? I'll buy you something if you want."

"Okay."

She followed him through the crowd to the concession stand. They decided on hot chocolate and Jace ordered and paid. While they waited, Clary's thoughts ran wild. She was also bored. Now she understood what Jace meant when she'd mentioned school spirit.

"This sucks," she said.

He looked at her. "Yeah, pretty much. That's why I don't go to these things."

They received their drinks and Jace started back to the fence. Clary suddenly got an idea. She grabbed his arm, not missing the small wince that he gave.

"Let's get out of here."

She thought for a moments and then took his hand. She'd known Jace for only a few days but she felt a rush when their hands touched. She lead them out of the stadium and to the street. She'd decided to take Jace to the beach. Luke had told her about a few shortcuts since he grew up in this neighborhood. After going through dark alleys and dirt roads, they made it to the beach.

"How'd you do that?" Jace asked. He looked impressed.

"Luke told me," I explained. "He grew up around here and knows shortcuts. To be honest though, half of that was guessing."

He laughed. "So you could have gotten us lost?"

She pointed a finger at him. "But I didn't." She smiled, which then turned into a laugh. She let go of his hand and kicked off her boots and socks. She ran up to the water. A few moments later, Jace was beside her. _Right_ beside her. _Very _close. She quickly sat down, bringing her legs to her chest. He sat down too. She looked out at the water.

"I like the ocean."

She looked Jace in the eyes.

"Why do you like it?" he asked.

Looking back at the water, she said, "It's free. It does what it wants without a care in the world. It's big and vast and limitless. It's dark and beautiful. It doesn't need anyone or anything." She paused. _Stop while you're ahead, Clary, _she told herself. _He doesn't want to listen to you. And you don't need to let him in._

"The world's a crazy place, you know? It's full of pain and despair. People lead meaningless lives for petty reasons. They hide their pain and hurt with like fake smiles and laughs. They do things like go to work or do something they think they love just to mask the pain. I don't do that. I embrace pain. I let it hurt me, because that's what it's for: hurting. I take all the pain I can get because it lets me know I'm still here. That I'm still alive. I hope that I'll be like the ocean someday and be without care. Some day when I've suffered enough and earned that happiness."

_Shit. You said too much. You just tore down part of your wall and if you don't watch it, he's going to stroll right on in._

Jace put his arm around her. Shit. She was trapped now. Why did he put his arm around her? Did he understand was she was saying? _You're thinking into it too much, Fray_, she told herself. _He just put his arm around you. It's not like he asked you to marry him._

She looked at Jace, he was watching her. It made her smile a little. "Thanks for dealing with me tonight," she said. "I know I'm a bother," she added.

He took his arm from around her and shrugged. "You weren't that bad," he teased.

"There's just a lot of shit in my life and it's hectic-especially with this move and everything."

_SHUT UP! Shutupshutupshutup! _

"I understand," he said softly.

What? No. This is too much. He's trying to get in. _I told you! You let your guard down, even just a little, and he tried to sneak in._

She turned on him. "Don't say that," she said venomously. He looked hurt.

How could he say that? She thought he was different. She didn't think he would lie to her like that. He didn't understand. He couldn't understand. She hadn't told him.

She stood up abruptly. "Don't ever say that to me, Jace."

He scrambled to his feet. "I don't lie," he whispered.

Ugh!

"But you don't _understand,_" she shot back, raising her voice.

"We're more alike than you know." His voice was small.

No. No, we're not._ Maybe they were, _she thought_. What's in his past?_

He reached out to touch her arm. Scared, she jumped back. Shaking her head, she walked backwards. Away from this boy.

"No, we're not. You don't understand the shit in my life. I wouldn't expect you to."

She stopped walking. Taking a deep breath, she said what she thought was the best for her, "Just stay away from me."

He just stared at her. He looked so hurt. _This is what you need to do_, _Clary_, she tried to convince herself. But it was easier said than done.

"Please," she whispered. She turned around, collected her boots and socks, and walked away.

She had to get away from Jace. Away from his hurt expression. She didn't mean to hurt him, really. She was trying to protect herself. She didn't need to let people in. It always ended badly.

Tears started streaming down her face and she broke into a run. She had made it to the street and was almost home. She reached her house and was a complete mess. She went straight to her room and collapsed onto her mattress-her bed hadn't been set up yet.

_Why are you crying? There's no need. You're doing what's best for you. You can't let him in._

No matter what she told herself, she couldn't stop feeling guilty and angry at herself. She changed into pajamas and went to the bathroom. She looked at her reflection. It disgusted her.

She grabbed her makeup bag and rummaged around until she found a razor blade. She felt in in her hand. The cool metal that showed her that she was still alive. She lifted her shirt and pushed her shorts down a little so they hung around her hips. She looked in the mirror again. She looked at all the red lines all over her stomach and part of her right hip. She lightly brushed her fingers over them, wincing slightly. She put the blade against her skin but didn't apply any pressure.

For a moment, she felt brave. She let her shirt fall and she stuck out her left arm. She looked at the faded white scars on her wrist. They were from when she attempted suicide after what happened. Her mother had found her just in time. Clary vowed to never cut there again. Not unless she really wanted to die like she had before. But just now, she felt brave. She knew how to go deep enough to really sting but not kill her. So that's what she did.

* * *

**Jace POV**

"What's wrong with me?" Jace asked no one.

He was laying in his bed in the dark. It was two A.M. and he couldn't sleep. Then his thoughts drifted back to what happened at the beach and it ruined any chance he had at sleeping anymore. Why did Clary tell him to stay away from her? He thought they were becoming friends. Why did she push him away? When he told her that he understood, he meant it. He might not know the situation she was in but he had shit in his life too. He knew what that was like and what a toll it took on you. He had first hand experience with that.

Jace slid his arm out from under the covers and groped around for his phone on his nightstand. When he found it, he searched through his contacts. Clary had given him her number on Thursday after she was done tutoring. She said it was in case he ever had any questions for her about math. He had questions but they weren't about math. He gave it a shot anyway.

_Clary, it's Jace. I can't sleep. I need to talk to you._

Five minutes later.

_I'm not in the mood, Jace._

_Please, I just need to talk._

Three minutes later.

_Talk._

_Just please tell me why. I promise I'll stay away if that's what you want. _It's not what I want, Jace thought. _Please, tell me why you did that._

Six minutes later.

_I'm sorry._

_Clary, I'm sorry too. But please tell me why._

_No._

_Please Clary._

Ten minutes. No answer.

_Clary._

Thirteen minutes later.

_Goodnight, Jace._

Jace threw his phone across the room, probably waking Alec up in the next room. He ran his fingers through his hair and pulled at it. He took a deep breath. He wanted to walk over to his desk so badly and pick up a razor blade. He wanted to feel the pain as it slid across his skin. He also wanted to end it. Like he always did. He could just push a little deeper a little further up his arm and it would be over. This mess he called life would be his past. He'd love that.

But he didn't. He didn't get up. He didn't walk to his desk and didn't put a blade across his skin. Instead, he just laid there, willing himself to sleep and failing.

Around six-thirty, he decided he was done laying in bed. He put on a long sleeve shirt and athletic shorts and stepped out of his bedroom. The house was eerily quiet. He crept down the hallway and down the steps. He walked past the kitchen and parlor. He went to the living room, planning on watching television.

He sat down on the couch without bothering to turn any lights on. He grabbed the remote and was about to turn on the TV when the lamp in the corner switched on.

"What are you doing up?"

"Shit!" Jace yelled as he jumped and fell to the floor, his heart pounding.

A soft laughter filled the room.

"What the hell was that for, Alec?" Jace asked, getting up. He was still shaking from being startled.

"Sorry," he said. "I didn't think that would scare you."

"Yeah, well, as always, Alec, you were in the wrong."

Alec frowned. His brother switched on the television and started watching some old Saturday morning cartoon.

"You didn't answer me," Alec said.

Jace glanced at him but didn't say anything.

"Why are you up?" Alec asked.

"Couldn't sleep. Might I ask you the same thing, dear brother?"

"Same. I decided to come down here and sit in the quiet, but you disturbed that."

"I'd say I'm sorry, but I don't lie."

"Where were you at last night? I saw you at the fence at the game and then you disappeared. I didn't see you anywhere after it was done either."

"I was with a friend."

"A friend? Who? That girl you were talking to earlier?"

"Yes, _that girl_. Does it matter?" Jace shot back.

Alec studied him. "No. I was merely curious."

Jace turned his attention back to the television. He didn't want to talk to Alec.

"Do you have any plans today?"

So much for silence.

"No, Alec."

"Oh..." he trailed off.

Jace sighed. He knew that Alec wanted him to ask why. "Why do you ask?" he said with comical inflection.

Alec rolled his eyes. "Izzy and I were going to meet up with Simon and Jordan and go to the movies later. Then get some dinner at Taki's."

"Okay? And you're telling me why?"

"Because you can come along if you want. I noticed you've been getting out more lately and that's, you know, good."

Jace snorted. It was a pity invite. He figured he'd play along. "Sure, Alec. When are you leaving and where are we meeting?"

Alec smiled. "We're meeting at the theater and the movie starts at five-thirty so we'll probably leave here around five."

"Okay. Count me in."

Maybe it wouldn't be as bad as Jace thought.

* * *

**Clary POV**

She woke up even more tired than when she'd went to bed. She barely slept, but the sleep she did have wasn't good. She'd been sleeping on and off when Jace texted her. She hadn't been expecting it and had actually forgotten that she'd given him her number.

He asked about the beach. She knew he was going to sooner or later but she didn't realize it would be sooner. As in, the same night.

___Clary, it's Jace. I can't sleep. I need to talk to you._

Well I don't want to talk to you.

_I'm not in the mood, Jace._

_Please, I just need to talk._

Of course you do.

_Talk._

_Just please tell me why. I promise I'll stay away if that's what you want._ _Please, tell me why you did that._

I can't tell you why Jace. I can't tell you why I told you to leave me alone. I can't tell you and I cannot let my guard down. Every time I'm around you my walls start to fade. I can't have that happen.

_I'm sorry._

_Clary, I'm sorry too. But please tell me why._

I can't.

_No._

_Please Clary._

She didn't answer. She couldn't.

_Clary._

You need to say something to him.

___Goodnight, Jace._

She didn't want to talk to Jace. Well, she did but she didn't want to let her guard down any farther than she already had. But when she was around him, she wasn't in control or the walls she'd built. She oddly felt comfortable around him, almost like they'd known each other all her life. She wanted to get to know him. Maybe he was something good that had come to her but then again, she thought Evan was good for her.

She didn't want to let Jace in. The last time she let someone in, she got hurt. Physically and emotionally. She didn't want to go through that again.

Her mother and step-father, Luke, thought that if they moved and started fresh it would be a welcomed change. They thought it would help Clary. Of course, they didn't tell her that. They said that Jocelyn thought there would be more job opportunities in New York. But Clary had overheard them talking one night as she stood outside their bedroom door.

". . .been through too much. Between Jonathan and Evan. I think we all need to get away from here. It will be good for all of us, especially Clary."

She stood there, quiet as could be. A tear slid down her cheek at the mention of Jonathan and Evan's names and the memories that ensued. She wanted to move on. She'd never forget about Jon, but she wanted to forget Evan so bad. She cried herself to sleep that night.

* * *

"Clary, wake up."

"Ugh. Five more minutes," she mumbled, rolling over and pulling her pillow over her head. She must have drifted back to sleep.

"Clary," he mother said sternly. "Get up."

"Why?"

"Because it's ten-thirty. You've had enough sleep. Oh, and Luke and I are taking you out to a late lunch around three."

Ugh. Clary did _not_ want to go out to lunch today.

"Whatever," she muttered.

Her mother walked to the door and turned back around. "I'm giving you five minutes to be downstairs."

She left.

Clary groaned and slowly took the covers off. Why was her mother so rude today? She usually never cared when she got up on Saturdays.

Clary stood up and walked to the bathroom. After washing her face, she returned to her bedroom to change. She slipped on a pair of jeans, a gray shirt, and a purple cardigan. She went downstairs to find her mother and Luke in the kitchen.

"There's coffee, Clary," Luke said cheerfully.

She mumbled a thanks and poured herself a cup. It woke her up a little.

"Why are we going to lunch?" she asked.

"To get out and explore," Jocelyn answered.

"And why are we doing that? It's just New York."

"C'mon, Clary. It's going to be exciting!"

"Sure."

"We can do some sightseeing and maybe go to the movies! Oh, that would be fun!" Jocelyn exclaimed.

_Why did she have so much energy today?_ Clary wondered.

"Okay, Mom. Just let me know when we're leaving."

Clary turned and went back to her bedroom. She flopped down on the bed, still tired._ Today might not be that bad_, she thought, secretly hoping that it'd wouldn't be. She decided to unpack a few things. Grabbing a box, she took it to the middle of the room and opened it. It had pictures, CD's, tapes, records, a radio, and most of her books. She took out the radio and plugged it in. She turned it to her favorite station and pulled out a book: Nineteen Eighty-Four by George Orwell. She laid on her bed and started to read. She wasn't much of a reader but she needed something to pass the time.

At quarter til three, her mother came to her room to announce that they were leaving in ten minutes. Clary grabbed her messenger bag and headed downstairs. When they got in the car, Clary put on her headphones and listened to music. They drove through the city slowly because of traffic. Finally, they pulled up to a ragged looking place.

"This is where we're eating?" Clary asked.

"Yes," Luke replied. "Back when I was young and lived here, my friends and I would come here all the time. It's the best place to eat."

Clary doubted that, but climbed out of the car and followed her parents to the restaurant called Taki's anyways. They were seated by a strange looking girl with a name tag that said Kaelie. Clary glanced at the menu. Nothing seemed to spark her interest so she decided on a turkey sandwich.

"So," Luke said, "I heard there were a few good movies playing down the street. What do you think, Clary? Want to go and see one?"

She shrugged. "I guess."

Jocelyn looked at her daughter. "Honey, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," she said a little too quickly.

Her mother nodded. "Okay, let me know if you need to talk."

They were served their food and began eating, talking occasionally. After they were finished it was about four-thirty. Luke drug Jocelyn and Clary around through various stores and other places to show them everything that was still there from when he grew up. Frankly,Clary was bored out of her mind but tried not to show it since Luke was so happy. Finally, they ended up at the theater just a little ways from Taki's.

Clary didn't get to see the movie. She fell asleep during the previews and woke up right at the end. Thankfully Luke and Jocelyn didn't notice.

They stepped outside into the chilly air. Across the street Clary saw what looked like a club. A sign hung above an entryway with a line waiting to get in that read 'Pandemonium.' It looked like a very interesting place. The people that were waiting outside had things like multicolor hair and eccentric clothes. One boy had blue hair. From a distance, Clary thought he was pretty cute.

"Clary, come on. We're leaving now."

Luke grabbed Clary's arm and started pulling her toward the car.

She released herself from his grip. "Actually, could I stay here in the city? Explore a bit for myself? I know my way home. I'll be back before midnight."

Luke and her mother exchanged glances. After a moment, her mom said, "Sure, Clary. You're old enough now. But please stay out of trouble."

"I promise."

"Okay. We'll go home. I'll be expecting you no later that midnight, understand?"

"Yes, ma'am."

Jocelyn smiled and kissed her daughter's forehead. "Have fun."

With that, they got in the car and left. Clary knew exactly where she was going. She crossed the street with a grin on her face.

* * *

**Jace POV**

"Come on Simon!" Jordan cheered. "You got to do it, man."

Simon blushed. "I can't."

Alec chimed in. "You two both like each other. Ask her out already. I'm tired of Izzy talking about it all the time." He sighed.

Simon blushed even deeper. "What?" he whispered. "She talks about me?"

"Yes!"

"O-okay," he stuttered. "I'll do it...but later, not now."

Jace rolled his eyes. "As long as you do it, Simon."

Alec looked up. "Shh, guys, she's coming back."

Just then, Isabelle sat back at the table.

"Why are Taki's bathrooms so disgusting?" she asked.

Alec shrugged.

"Do you guys want to head out?" Simon asked.

"Yeah," Izzy said. "I have stuff at home to do."

"Me too," Alec said.

They all got up and paid the bill. Walking into the street, Jace pulled his hood of his hoodie over his head-it was chilly. They started walking home. On the way there, Jace saw his favorite club, Pandemonium. He liked to go there when he needed a distraction and to get his mind off things.

"Hey, guys," he said. "I'll meet you at home. I'll be back later."

His siblings nodded and the group continued walking.

Jace took a deep breath and crossed the street. He didn't like being around a bunch of people, let alone being around girls but tonight he just wanted to show his fake ID and have a few drinks and hopefully not let his walls down.

* * *

**So now you have a little bit of Clary's past. You'll find out bits as the story progresses.**

**Thank you for reading!**

**Let me know what you think! :) Please review/follow/favorite! It seriously makes my day! I love you all :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hiya there! Thank you again for the reviews/follows/faves. You guys are so awesome:) and, holy crap, i looked at the story stats and over a thousand people have viewed this story from 35 different countries. That's crazy insane! and soooo awesome! Thank you!  
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**Another HUGE thank you to xxxfae. legendsxxx! :)**

**I've been getting busier and busier since I started this story and, honestly, it sucks. I love writing and haven't been able to do it that much. I said before that I would try to post a chapter per day. So far, I've done that. Now, however, I'm thinking of changing updates to every two to three days. That would give me more time to write, edit, etc. Also, i would be able to make the chapters more worthwhile and good.**

**I'm very sorry that i have to do this. I really am. You guys have been so good to me with reviews and such.**

**This chapter is very short. I'm sorry for that also. But i promise a better one soon.  
**

* * *

**Jace POV**

The bartender looked at him disbelievingly. "How old are ya, boy?" he asked in a husky voice.

Jace sighed. "Twenty-one. I turned it last week," he said, lying.

"I'm going to have to see your ID."

Jace took out his wallet and flashed his fake ID. The bartender looked at it skeptically but handed Jace the whiskey anyways.

He took a deep drink. He'd only gotten drunk twice before. The first time he was thirteen. It was before Max died. He was with a bunch of friends and they got him drunk. They thought it was funny until one of their parents found them and they got in trouble. He ditched those friends afterwards.

The second time was last year on August 27. He stole some of his step-parents' alcohol and got drunk in his room. Only Alec had found out.

Tonight, however, Jace felt like drinking. He wasn't going to get drunk. He'd just get enough in his system to let go a little but not completely loose himself.

He took a sip from his whiskey and looked around the club. He really hated being around people. Suddenly, there was a girl beside him. No, not beside him, practically on top of him. She was forcing herself onto his lap. She wasn't particularly pretty-she had fake, pin-straight blonde hair and her eyes looked like raccoon makeup. She was barely wearing any clothes.

Jace tried pushing her off, feeling extremely uncomfortable, but she clung onto him.

"Hey, handsome," she purred.

"Yeah, hi," Jace said. "Please get off."

"Come on, cutie. Let's have a little fun." She was sitting on his lap now.

"Let's not, actually." Jace was annoyed and still very uncomfortable.

She flashed a crooked smirk. She swooped down and started kissing his neck.

_That's it_, Jace thought. He grabbed her shoulders and pulled her away from him.

"I asked you to get off, now I'm telling you. Get off of me."

She huffed and slowly slid off his lap. "You would have been boring anyways," she muttered as she left.

"Wow," Jace said under his breath.

He took another sip of whiskey. Out of the corner of his eye he could see someone staring at him. When he looked to see who it was, he saw that it was a young man. His look was very lustful. He had messy black hair and bright blue eyes. He flashed Jace a smile. Jace bit his lip and looked away. _Really? _Jace thought. _A gay guy?_ He laughed on the inside. _I guess I'm quite the charmer._

Now, even more uncomfortable, Jace decided to get up to go to the bathroom. He got up from the bar stool and started walking. The restrooms were in the long hallway in the back of the club. There were storage closets and other such rooms down the hallway that couples ended up making out in.

Jace was about to slip through the bathroom door when something red caught his eye. He looked up to see Clary making out with some random guy. A strange feeling of jealously shot through Jace. Then, he looked closer and he realized that guy was forcing himself on her. She was trying to push him off but he held her wrists and kicking was no use. His jealously was replaced with anger. Jace didn't care who you were, you're not allowed to force yourself upon another person, and, in his book, especially not a girl.

Without realizing it, Jace had walked up to the couple. Making a split second decision, he raised his arm. His fist collided with the boy's jaw with as much force as he had, knocking him off of Clary.

* * *

**Clary POV in next chapter.**

**Again, I am so sorry this is so short. And I'm sorry about changing the updates. I feel terrible about it...  
**

**Let me know what you think:) about the story and the updates.**

**Sorry again, and thank you! You're all so amazing:) :)  
**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hello, awesomely lovely people! Thank you for the reviews, follows, and favorites! They mean so much :)**

**I was planning on having this up last night but i couldn't. Sorry...**

**Anyways, Enjoy! :)**

**I don't own anything...ugh**

* * *

**Clary POV**

After she got in to Pandemonium, Clary didn't quite know what to do with herself. She didn't like being around people so in this kind of scene, she was out of place. She made her way to the bar and sat on a stool.

A boy came beside her to order a drink. He scooted closer to her so they were touching while the bartender left to get his drink. He flashed her a smile. Clary couldn't help but notice that his eyes were black. They suited him though. The bartender came back and the boy winked at her before leaving.

She'd never felt more awkward than right now. _This was a bad idea, _she thought to herself. _Why would going out be good for you, Clary?_

"What's a pretty little girl like you doing here all alone?" the bartender asked her. He wasn't hitting on her though, she could tell by the tone of his voice. Also, that would be creepy because the man looked in his forties.

"I just needed to get away," she muttered, hoping he hadn't heard. She didn't want to talk right now.

"Away?" he asked. "Would you like a drink? It'd be on the house."

Clary didn't know what to say. "Sure?"

The bartender smiled and said, "I've got just the thing."

He grabbed a glass off the back wall and filled it up with a red liquid, then handed it to her. She smelled it: some sort of fruity wine. The bartender chuckled and went to another customer. Clary took a sip. After she got over the part that she wanted to spit it out, it actually tasted good. She'd had alcohol a few times before but never at a bar. Of course, she was only seventeen so that made sense.

She took a few more sips. When she looked across the bar, she saw the boy with the blue hair. She noticed that he was looking at her with a flirtatious smirk. He had gray eyes that oddly looked good with his long and messy, straight blue hair. He nodded his head in a motion that said 'come here.'

Feeling extremely courageous, Clary pushed herself up off of her chair and started walking toward the boy. She'd never approached a boy that she'd thought was cute. She didn't know what to say. She could barely make small talk with a girl or an adult, let alone a boy that she thought was attractive. Even before what happened with Evan, she wasn't one to flirt with boys.

She was dangerously close to the boy now. He looked up at her and winked. She felt her cheeks get red. She was right next to him.

"Can I sit here?" She pointed to the stool next to him.

"That depends." He smirked.

She raised an eyebrow. "Depends on what?"

"If I can buy you a drink."

She blushed even deeper. "Thanks," she said, "But I have a drink right here." She held up her wine.

"How about a dance then?" He brushed his hair out of his eyes and smiled at her.

_Don't do it, Clary!_ "Alright then, but I don't dance so I won't be that good." She took the seat next to the boy. She was just going to talk to the boy. Nothing personal, just small talk. Then they'd dance and she'd leave. She had it all planned out in her head.

"So what's your name?" he asked.

"Clary. You?"

"Oliver." He took a drink from his beer. "What are you doing here by yourself, Clary?"

She actually didn't know what she was doing here. She had just acted on impulse and decided to go to a club even though she doesn't like being around people. She told Oliver the same thing as she told the bartender.

"I just needed to get away," she replied, taking a sip of her wine.

He nodded. "Needing to forget?"

"Wanting to forget," she corrected.

"Oh..." he trailed off. He looked at her wistfully. "I can help you forget," he said, offering a smile that made Clary blush even more-if that was possible.

She bit her lip and nodded. "That would be nice."

Oliver smiled sweetly. "Do you want to dance?"

_No. I actually don't, but this alcohol is telling me yes._ Smiling, she said, "Yeah."

He jumped down off of the bar stool and offered his hand to Clary. When her feet hit the floor, she realized she was at least five inches shorter that him. She took his hand and he lead her to the dance floor. Hesitantly, he started dancing with her. She felt very embarrassed dancing the way that she was but for some reason it didn't matter to her right now. _It's gotta be the wine_, she thought.

They danced to many songs before Oliver leaned in to kiss Clary. Panicking, she moved her head swiftly to avoid it. He frowned slightly but continued dancing.

"Is something wrong, Clary?" he asked, wrapping his finger around one of her curls.

"No," she said a little too quickly.

"Are you sure?" he asked. He snaked his arm around her waist and closed the few inches between them, pulling her against him. Bringing his lips to her ear, he whispered, "Whatever it is, I can make it go away."

Clary was very, very uncomfortable. She'd never been this close to someone, excluding Evan. Her heart was racing and her breath quickened. She was lightheaded and felt like she was going to throw up. She tried to push Oliver away but he held her tighter.

"No, please," she pleaded as she pushed against him again. A darkness crept into his features as he held her closer yet. She was scared now. She'd seen that look on someone's face before and it scared the shit out of her.

"What's wrong?" he asked with fake concern. "Isn't this what we agreed to? A dance?"

Clary kept struggling against him. "Just let me go," she stammered.

He took his arms from around her and grabbed her wrists. He gripped them so tightly it felt like he might break the bones.

Clary hissed through her teeth and tears threatened her eyes. "Please..." she pleaded. She twisted her wrists in his painful grasp, trying to free herself. She dug her heels into the floor and tried desperately to pull away from him but he held his ground and didn't budge, causing Clary to slip and almost fall.

"Where do you think you're going?" Oliver asked her darkly.

"I..." she started. "I-I have to go to the bathroom," she stuttered, lying through her teeth. She just needed to get away from him.

She knew going here would be a bad idea but she had decided to be a little spontaneous today. She was never going to step outside of her comfort zone or let her guard down again.

"I'll escort you." He pulled her, still gripping her wrists, toward the back of the club and down a long hallway.

"Let go of me!" she yelled. A few people turned their heads. "Let me go!"

They had reached the bathrooms. Oliver opened the door. "I'll be waiting out here for you," he snarled. "Don't be long, sweetie." His eyes were dark with an emotion that Clary couldn't decipher. He pushed her into the bathroom forcefully and slammed the door behind her.

Clary was shaking as she made her way to a stall. She made it there just in time. _Why am I sick?_

After she cleaned herself up, she looked around. There weren't any windows in the bathroom. _I need to get out of here_, she said to herself. _Think, Clary, think. _She reached into her messenger bag and searched for her phone. When she couldn't find it she dumped all of the contents on the grimy floor, frantically picking through her stuff.

"Where is it?" she asked no one. She could barely pick anything up she was shaking so bad. She felt like she was going to pass out. "Is anyone in here?" She knew no one was going to answer but she was too scared to want to admit that to herself. Who knew what Oliver wanted to do to her? He looked like a nice boy when he was sitting at the bar. That's why she went to talk to him. She didn't realize he was going to do this to her. _This is why you don't trust people, Clary, _she mentally scolded herself.

Then a feeling of fear and dread ran through her. She was going to have to go back out there. If not, Oliver would probably come into the bathroom for her. What did he want with her anyway? It's not like she was pretty or was putting herself out there like a slut. She just asked to sit next to him, wanting to talk. Now, she was hiding from him in the bathroom.

She put all over her stuff back into her bag-though it took her awhile because of her hands shaking. She remembered when her mom used to get the way she was. It was after her father, Valentine started hurting them. Her mother would start shaking and her breathing would become labored. She'd be pale and stumble around like she was going to pass out.

Panic attack.

Clary remembered what her mother and Jonathan had called them. _Makes sense, _she thought. _I'm kinda freaking out right now._

Clary needed to get out. Very slowly and with much difficulty, she made it to the door. Taking a deep breath to try and calm herself-which didn't work, she pushed the door open slightly. She poked her head out, looking for Oliver. She couldn't see his blue hair anywhere in sight. A little less scared, she opened the door more so that she could slip through. She looked around for the way back to the bar so that she could leave. She started down the hallway and only got a few steps before a hand covered her mouth and and arm wrapped around her waist, trapping her.

She tried to scream but the hand prevented her. She squirmed and kicked and writhed but they were too strong. Then, she was turned around harshly to see Oliver with an dark, smug grin.

"Think you could get away?" he asked in a terrifyingly chilling voice.

Clary just stared at him with wide eyes and a mixture of fear, hatred, and rage. Why was he doing this to her?

Suddenly, Oliver turned them around and slammed her against the wall. He pushed himself against her and held her still with one arm. She continued struggling but he was too strong for her. He moved his hand from her mouth and smashed his lips to hers, kissing her roughly and messily. His hands, still managing to keep her still, started roaming her body.

Clary felt like puking. She wanted to get away so badly. She just wanted him off of her.

He stopped kissing her for a moment and she took advantage of it.

"Help!" she screamed. "Plea-"

Oliver slammed his hand against her mouth again and brought his lips to her ear. "Don't make a sound," he warned, "Or you'll wish you hadn't."

Clary immediately went rigid. Her breath caught in her throat. Memories flashed through her mind.

"_Don't make a sound, my dear Clary, or you'll wish you hadn't."_

_Evan forced her arms above her head and tied them to his bed._

"_Please," she whispered. "I don't want to do this, Evan." She couldn't see because of how much she was crying._

"_Shut up, you slut!" He slapped her face. "I said don't talk!"_

_She whimpered as he slipped off her pants._

"_Now, I'm going to say it again: don't make a sound."_

Oliver was kissing her again. She gave him a hard shove but it was only a mere hindrance. Then, suddenly it was over in a blur of gold. Clary was stunned for a moment and then collapsed on the floor, trying to make sense of what she was seeing.

Oliver was on the ground with a boy on top of him, beating him. There were grunts and groans and, from what she could make out, a few curses being shouted. The boy on top of Oliver gave him one final punch in the stomach and got off of him.

"You never do that to a girl," he growled at Oliver, venom in every word.

Then he turned around and crouched next to Clary. "Are you alright?" a familiar voice asked.

She looked up and a gasp left her lips. "Jace?"

He nodded. "Are you alright? What did he do to you?"

"Yeah, he...he just...I..." She couldn't form a complete sentence. "I just-" She stood up abruptly and almost collapsed again but caught herself. Jace grabbed her arm to steady her and she quickly removed herself from his hold.

"I'm fine," she managed. "Thank you for...that." She nodded in the direction of Oliver, who had sat up and was holding his face and stomach.

"He shouldn't have done that. I don't care who you are, you don't do that to a girl. Especially someone I know." He gave her a weak smile.

"Well, I'm okay now, Jace. You hit him. I don't think he'll be bothering me again." She shifted uncomfortably. Even after what just happened, she didn't want to be near Jace for fear that she might break down in front of him. She couldn't let that happen.

"Yeah..." he trailed off. "What were you doing here anyway? You don't seem like a club kind of person."

"Well, you don't know me."

He sighed. "I get that."

"Why are you here?" she shot back.

Jace giggled. Clary stared at him. "Are you drunk?"

He bit his lip. "No. I just had some whiskey...and something else that I don't quite remember the name of." He laughed. "What about you? Want me to get you a drink?"

"No," she said quickly, sidestepping him. "Thank you again, Jace."

"Wait-" He took her arm. "You don't look so good. You're all pale." He eyed her hand. "And," he added, "You're shaking."

She pulled her arm away and pressed her lips into a line. "I'm fine. Thank you. Goodbye."

"Wait-"

Before he could finish, she was already consumed by the crowd.

* * *

**Jace POV**

She didn't look good. She looked like she was going to pass out any second. He wanted to go after her but he couldn't let himself do that. She had told him to stay away and he didn't want her to be even more mad at him for not respecting her wishes.

Jace found himself pushing through the crowd until he made it to the exit. He walked out into the chilly air and pulled up his hood once again. When he got home, he planned on going straight to his room. Izzy apparently thought otherwise.

"Where did you go after you left us?"

"Izzy, can I just go to bed? I'm tired..." Jace pushed past her.

She grabbed his arm, stopping him. "Whoa," she said as she saw his bruising hand. He winced as her nails slightly dug into his scarred skin through his clothes.

"What happened?"

"Nothing, Izzy."

She gave him a disbelieving look. "You're not getting past me with those lies. Now tell me what happened."

Jace sighed. "I went to Pandemonium and there was this boy forcing himself on a girl, I punched him, end of story. That's it. Goodnight." He tried to slip past her but she stopped him again.

"Why did you punch him?"

"Because you don't force yourself on a girl. It's not right. Now, if you'd excuse me, my bed beckons me."

This time when he tried to get past Izzy, she let him.

"Goodnight, Jace," she called after him.

He went into his room and collapsed onto the bed, sleep consuming him instantly.

* * *

**(Monday)**

"Wake up Jace!"

"Five more minutes, Alec," he mumbled as he rolled over.

"No, you need to get up Jace. We're late for school. Izzy's even ready. Hurry up." He ripped the covers off of Jace and left.

"You suck!" he called after his brother. He sat up slowly and went to his en-suite bathroom. He got a very quick shower and got dressed quickly into jeans and a long sleeve t-shirt. He grabbed his bag and hurried down the steps.

"Geez, Jace!" Izzy cried. "_I_ was even ready before you!"

He just shoved past them and went outside. They caught up with him on the sidewalk and walked to school quickly. They got there just as the warning bell rang.

Jace rushed into homeroom and let out a sigh of relief. His teacher wasn't there yet. He took his normal seat in the corner by himself and laid his head on the desk, still tired from getting up and ready so quickly.

His peaceful state was broken by someone kicking him in the side. He nearly fell off the chair. He held his aching side and looked to see who it was.

Sebastian.

Of course it was him. He recently decided that Jace was hitting on Maia and punched him. Now he had kicked him.

"What the hell was that for, Verlac?" Jace yelled, surprised at his unwavering voice. He'd never yelled in school. He wasn't the violent type.

Sebastian had retreated to his group of friends huddled in the corner. They were all laughing.

"Oi, Verlac, I'm talking to you," he said, still unsure of why he was talking.

"And just what do you want?" Sebastian growled. "I kicked you because my buddy says that he saw you with Maia Saturday night."

What? Who was saying this stuff about Jace? He barely knew Maia.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Sebastian. Honestly, I wasn't with her." Jace shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He didn't like talking this much in front of all of these people.

"You better stop you're lying, Herondale. My buddy wouldn't lie to me. You were with Maia. I know it-"

"Mr. Verlac, please stop shouting."

Mrs. Gray, their homeroom teacher, walked into the room. She went straight up to Sebastian.

"Just because I'm not around, does not mean that my rules don't apply." She pointed her finger at him. "Do not raise your voice again, you hear me?"

Sebastian had a deer in the headlights look. And, actually, looked scared shitless. He nodded quickly and Mrs. Gray left him to do attendance. Sebastian glared at Jace until the bell for first period rang.

Walking into Biology II second period, Jace saw that Clary was already in her seat. He slipped into the chair next to her.

He whispered, "Are you okay?" He wasn't really good with people and their emotions so he hoped that she was okay.

She looked at him, surprised. Then her expression hardened. "Yes. I am fine." She looked away quickly.

"Okay class!" Mr. Brooks called. "Our first lab starts today. Your materials are on the back tables, along with a list of how much of each you will need."

Jace waited until everyone else was done before he got their materials. He looked at the lab sheet when he got back to his table.

"Well, this doesn't look that bad," he said doubtfully.

Clary gave him a look that he couldn't decipher.

"What?" he asked.

"Let's just get to work."

They completed half of the lab. They knew most of it wasn't right, but they gave it their best shot.

As soon as the bell rang, Clary got up and left the room. Jace, oddly, felt hurt. He didn't understand why, but he wanted to talk to her. He wanted to get to know her and her to know him. He'd never felt that way. He knew, however, that he couldn't let her know him. He couldn't have any sort of relationship with her because he didn't want to hurt any more people. He'd done enough of that.

He went through the rest of the day not paying attention and zoning out in his classes. He was tired and had a headache. He wanted to go home and curl up. _And hopefully die_, his thoughts added but he pushed that out of his head.

Jace walked into his last class, Trigonometry. He took his seat and waited until the rest of the class came in. Clary walked in and took her seat, not acknowledging him at all. Not until the end of class did Jace muster up enough courage and reason to ask her a question.

"Clary." She turned and looked at him indifferently. "Do you still want to come over and tutor me tonight?"

She hesitated, then shrugged. "Sure. Same time?"

He nodded. She got up and left the classroom. After a few moments, Jace followed. He threw his things into his locker, grabbed his bag, and started down the hall.

* * *

**So you have another piece of Clary's past...**

**How was the chapter? Good? Bad? Terrible? Fantastic(though i doubt it haha)? Please let me know what you think! :)**

**I will update as soon as i can. I hate it when people don't update so i will try not to let too much time between updates.**

**Thank you again! :)**


	8. Chapter 8

**Bonjour! Thank you all soooo much for all of the reviews/follows/faves! You all are too kind to me:)  
**

**This chapter isn't necessarily the longest...sorry.**

**Let me know what you think:)**

**Happy Reading!**

**I do not own the characters...**

* * *

**Jace POV**

"Holy crap!" Jace exclaimed. "I understand that now!"

Clary smiled a little.

"I didn't get it when it was explained in class, but when you did just now, it made complete sense. You're so good at math, Clary. I wish I had your brain..."

Jace let himself trail off. He looked down at his toes when he spoke again. "Can we just be friends, Clary?" he whispered.

Her breath caught. "What?" she breathed. "Why?"

"Because, Clary." He looked up at her, not really sure where he was going with this. His subconscious mind had told him to talk to her so he was just going to let this play out. "For some reason, when I'm around you I let parts of my guard down. I don't know what it is about you, but I'd like to be friends. I promise I won't hurt you, but I just...Friends?" He met her eyes.

She looked taken aback. "Why would you hurt me?" she asked softly.

_Damn. Said too much, Jace._ "I...it slipped. It didn't mean anything..." he mumbled, averting his eyes.

"Okay."

He met her gaze.

"What?" he croaked.

"Friends."

That made him smile.

"I have to go," Clary said quickly, jumping up from the chair.

"Oh, um, okay." Jace lead her down the stairs. "Thanks again, Clary."

She nodded and left. Jace closed the door and pressed his back against it. He slid down and sat on the floor, head in his hands. He didn't know how long he sat there before someone disturbed him.

"Jace?"

He didn't move.

"You okay, Jace?" Alec asked.

Jace got up from the floor and started for the steps.

"Hey." Alec grabbed his arm and held it tightly and firmly. Jace hissed at the sharp pain. Why did everyone have to grab his arms?

"What, Alec?" he spat.

"Are you okay?"

Jace ripped his arm from his brother's hold. "I have a headache."

"Do you want medicine-"

"I think I'll just go to bed."

He walked past Alec and climbed the stairs. For some reason, he was angry with his brother. He'd never been before. They always got along but lately, that wasn't the case. He felt like Alec was trying to push his way into his personal life. Like he thought he knew what was best for Jace and he needed to be protected. He always asked him if he was alright. Jace always lied, putting on a convincing face, and said that he was fine, that he just had a headache or was tired. For the most part, Alec bought it. When he didn't, Jace would just walk away, retreating to his bedroom.

He flopped onto his bed and looked around at his organized bedroom-he had cleaned it Sunday night. His eyes landed on his desk.

"No," he said out loud, forcefully.

But his body and mind told him otherwise. He pushed himself from the bed and walked to his desk. He opened the bottom drawer, sliding back the false bottom, and retrieved a razor blade. He sighed. He was stressed right now. He wasn't quite sure from what but he knew that he needed this relief.

Jace set down the blade and slipped out of his shirt. He caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror so he turned to get a better look. There was a bruise on his right side, just below his ribcage. That must have been from when Sebastian kicked him during homeroom. He lightly touched it with his fingertips, wincing at the pain that ensued.

He picked up the razor in his left hand and raised it. He was running out of virgin skin on his arms. He found a space between a few other cuts and drew a long, deep slash. He only flinched a little, the pain was just a numbness now. He was, at least what he assumed, getting immune to the pain. So he took the blade to his skin again-this time, even deeper.

He felt the sting that time and was left wanting more. He knew he shouldn't but he couldn't stop it. It was an overwhelming feeling that he knew would only get stronger if he didn't give in right now. So he put the metal to his skin and cut again, this time close to his wrist. He pressed hard, feeling the relief sweep over him a wave. He took a deep breath.

Looking at the blood running down his skin, he felt weak-like he'd just succumbed to something terrible. _If I just press a little harder, just a little farther, it'd be over._ And he'd love it. He'd be pain and care free. Most importantly, he'd be with Max. He'd tell him how sorry he was.

But the more he thought about Max, the more he thought he needed more punishment for what he did. He needed more pain and suffering and death shouldn't be his escape. He deserved it.

* * *

"Okay, class. Pick up from where you left off yesterday with your lab."

Jace sighed and looked at Clary.

"Think we'll pass this?'

She frowned. "We're not going to get a good grade."

"But we won't fail." He offered a half-smile.

They got to work. Just as the bell rang, Clary was writing the final sentence on their lab sheet.

"Yes! We finished." Clary said as she turned in their papers.

"I told you we'd do okay."

They walked out of the Biology room and into the hallway. Clary started walking toward the art room and Jace followed her. She kept shooting him strange looks.

"Why are you following me?" Clary snapped.

Taken aback, Jace stopped walking. "I'm sorry," he said quietly. "I was just going to walk you to art class but I guess I'll just go." He spun on his heel and walked swiftly down the hall, not bothering to look back.

* * *

Jace walked to lunch by himself. When he got to the cafeteria, he took his usual seat with Simon, Izzy, Alec, and Jordan. He picked up an apple from Jordan's tray and bit into it before he could refuse.

"Hey!"

"Sorry," Jace said sarcastically, dramatically chewing the apple.

Jordan stuck his tongue out at him.

"Simon," Izzy said, "Did you have history yet?"

"Yeah, why?" He looked genuinely confused.

"Is that test hard? I don't really know the material..."

"I'm not so sure if I did that good on it," Simon said.

"Oh great," Alec cut in. "If Simon didn't do good on it then that means that I'm going to do terrible-as per the usual." He laughed.

Jace looked around the lunchroom. Bright, fiery hair caught his eye. Clary was sitting by herself at a round table drawing in a notebook. Feeling particularly bold, Jace stood up, telling his friends that he would be back.

He walked up to where Clary was sitting. "Hi."

She looked up from her sketch. "Oh..." she mumbled.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

She shrugged.

"Well, listen, if you don't want to sit by yourself, you could sit with us," he offered.

She stared at him, almost as if deciphering whether or not she could believe him. Then she closed her notebook and slid it into her messenger bag. Pushing herself from her chair, she walked a little closer to Jace, waiting for him to show her to his friends.

* * *

**Clary POV  
**

Jace came up to her and asked her to sit with him. Clary had agreed to being friends with him so she decided to follow him. At the table that he lead her to there were five people. Only two of them she hadn't seen before. She knew that the beautiful girl was Jace's sister and the boy with icy blue eyes was his brother. The other two boys she didn't know.

Jace took his seat next to one of the unknown boys and motioned for Clary to sit in the empty seat between his siblings.

"Who's this?" one of the boys she didn't know asked, pointing in her direction. He had dark brown hair and coffee colored eyes. He was wearing a shirt that Clary didn't understand at all.

"This is Clary," Jace said. "Clary, this is Simon," he pointed to the boy who had asked the question, "and Jordan," he pointed to the other boy.

"Hi," she muttered, faking a smile. She glanced at Jace and his expression scared her. It showed her that he knew that was a fake smile. She quickly pulled out a book from her messenger bag and started reading so she wouldn't have to talk anymore.

Jace's sister started chatting. The only one who seemed to be listening was Simon. He watched her closely and Clary assumed that he liked her. No one looks at someone that way unless there are some underlying feelings. Clary glanced at Jace. He had a sad expression that was quickly changed when he noticed her looking. However, the sadness hadn't left his eyes.

When the bell rang, Clary stood up and made her way to the doors at the far end of the cafeteria. She walked to her next class by herself, ignoring the stares that she still got for being the new girl.

* * *

When Clary walked into her house, she found her mother running around frantically. She stopped her to ask what was wrong.

Jocelyn looked at her daughter. There was streaks on her face, her eyes were puffy and red, and there was fear and sadness in her eyes. "Luke," she whispered.

Clary didn't want to press the subject but she had to. "What about Luke?"

"He's in the hospital."

Clary nodded. She'd find out more later. She just didn't want to make her mom talk about it because it was very obviously making her upset.

"Grab what you need. We're leaving in five minutes to go back to the hospital. I had to come back to get a few things and pick you up."

She did as she was told. Clary grabbed a water and an apple and put them in her messenger bag. She went to her bedroom and pulled out some money from her stash under her bed, in case she needed it. She went to the door to find her mother already there and waiting.

"You ready?" she asked.

Clary nodded and walked out the door.

* * *

**How was it? Please review and let me know:) i love hearing what you have to say, you lovely people:)**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hello! Thank you for all of your support, kindness, and feedback through reviews/follows/faves! I love you all soo much:)**

**Hope you like the chapter. Let me know, i love hearing what you think!**

**I don't own the characters...**

* * *

**Clary POV**

Clary found out that Luke wasn't doing well at all. He had went to the hospital because he was having very bad chest pains. While they were checking him, he went into cardiac arrest. Luckily, they had saved him. He had regained consciousness but wasn't in good condition.

"I wasn't allowed to see him," he mother told her quietly as they sat down in the waiting room closest to Luke's room.

Clary nodded, still in shock. She wasn't quite sure how to react. Most of all, she was surprised. Luke was always healthy and he rarely got sick. It was strange to her that he-him of all people-had a heart attack.

Mother and daughter sat in the waiting room, anxious. Every time someone would walk in, Clary would look up to see if it was a doctor to give them news. She heard footsteps getting closer and she looked up from her book for English that she was reading. It was a boy. He was tall and lean with longer blonde hair. When he looked at her, he offered a weak smile. At first glance, Clary would have said that he looked just like-

Jace.

She'd forgotten about him. They were still on for a tutoring session tonight. She pulled out her phone and checked the time. 5:57. She should probably call Jace so he knew that something had come up and she wasn't able to tutor him tonight. Taking her phone, she walked out of the waiting room to the hallway for a little more privacy for a phone call.

"Hello?" an amused voice answered.

"Jace, it's Clary-"

"You're late."

"I know. Something came up. I can't tutor you tonight and probably not for the rest of the week." She waited for a response.

"Are you alright?" he asked gently, not pushing.

She sighed shakily. "Something came up," she said, not wanting to tell him that her step-father had a heart attack.

"You don't sound so good, Clary. Are you hurt or something?" he was genuinely concerned, Clary could tell and it confused her.

"I'm not hurt, Jace. I just-" she cut herself off. "I'll see you at school, I'm sorry."

She hung up before she heard his answer.

* * *

**Jace POV**

Jace stared at his phone. Clary hung up on him after telling him she couldn't come over sounding almost like she was ill. She'd said she was fine but he knew better. He started toward the steps, making the mistake of glancing into the kitchen. He tried to slip past but it was too late.

"Jace."

_Shit._

"Jace, I know you're there. Come here. I want to talk to you."

He didn't want to talk to Maryse but he turned around and went to the kitchen anyway. There was no escaping this one.

He slowly made his way to the chair that she motioned for him to sit in. It was right across from her at the island in the middle of the room. He sat down, not making eye contact.

"Jace," she said gently. She placed her laced fingers on the counter. "Honey, what's wrong?"

He didn't answer. What was he supposed to say? He didn't know exactly what she was asking. There were many things wrong but no new ones had surfaced. He had the same problems he's had for as long as he could remember.

"Jace, why have you been so angry lately?"

Oh, that's what she was talking about. Well, he still didn't have an answer for her. He wished he knew why he was so angry. He guessed it was just beginning of the school year stress that was making him retaliate?

He shrugged and Maryse sighed. "Please talk to me, sweetheart." She reached in an attempt to take his hand but he moved his arm, preventing that contact. She curled her fingers and retracted her arm, sighing again.

"What do you want me to say, Maryse?" Jace said, a little meaner that he had intended.

"I want you to tell me what is wrong with you," she replied in a desperate tone.

"Well, I'd love to tell you but the truth is, I don't know either," Jace said, playing with the sleeve of his hoodie, not making eye contact. "Lately I've been finding myself angry at people I've never had a problem with."

He looked up to see Maryse regarding him with a pitying look so he added sharply, "And I don't need you feeling sorry for me."

She sighed. "Then what do you want me to do?"

"You tell me!" he shot back. "_You're_ the one that called me in here. _You_ wanted to know what's 'wrong with me' and I told you and now that isn't good enough."

Maryse set her hands down on the counter, palms down, almost as if steadying herself and said in an even tone, "I'm concerned for you, Jace."

He scoffed again.

"Why are you being so ridiculous and difficult?!" She slammed her fist on the counter.

Jace's eyes grew wide at the sudden outburst but returned to normal, narrowing a little, when he said, "I'm sorry I'm such a burden."

"That's not what I said," she said quickly, the color draining from her face.

He shot back, "But that's what you meant." He pursed his lips and looked at his step-mother.

She looked defeated. She sighed and looked down, as if embarrassed.

"I know that's what you meant," Jace said, purposefully trying to push her.

She wore a look that he couldn't decipher. "I-" she cut herself off.

He gave her time to finish. After awhile he asked, "You what?"

She sighed. He could see the worry lines all over her face. She wasn't too old but in the lighting she looked older than her age.

Jace laughed coldly, bitterly. "You can't even say it, admit it. You can't even tell me what you think about me." He scoffed and pushed himself from the chair. Before walking through the door, he turned to his step-mother. "Nice chat. We really figured some things out."

He didn't stay long enough to hear Maryse start crying.

He ran into his room and slammed the door, locking it. He punched the wall next to it with so much force that he thought he might have broken a bone. The wall crumbled a little. He paced around his room, hands in his hair, pulling at it. He kicked at his cedar chest at the foot of his bed.

He let out a low growl and slammed himself down on the bed, pulling a pillow over his face and pushing it down, trying to smother himself. When he was finished with that weak attempt, his eyes landed on his desk, as they always did when he was stressed or, lately, angry. He knew the razor shouldn't be his out but he didn't know any other way to feel relief. So, he picked himself up and walked to his desk, retrieving a blade.

He tossed it around in his hand. _All you have to do..._ He knew what he had to do if he wanted to. It would be easy-slightly painful-but easy none the less. But the pain would help him through it. If Max couldn't live a full life, then neither should the person responsible for killing him.

Jace walked to his en-suite, blade in hand, shutting the door behind him. He looked at himself in the full length mirror. He knew he was handsome. Anyone with muscles, blonde hair, and amber eyes would be. But the problem with that is that no one sees past those characteristics. They think that if you look like a pretty boy than you must be perfectly normal and a little stuck up. That you must be good at sports and have a cheerleader girlfriend.

When people look at Jace, that's all they see, even though he was none of those things. They don't see the boy who's responsible for his brother's death. Who punished himself for that every waking moment of the day. They didn't see past his looks. He put on an act that showed that he had everything in control, when in reality, he didn't. Not even the slightest. Every time he had a problem, he turned to his blades. That's all he knew.

That's why Jace Herondale was standing in front of his mirror in his bathroom with a razor in hand and tears on his cheeks. He peeled off his hoodie and shirt and studied his reflection some more. All of the lines of red and white covering his arms were reminders. Reminders that he didn't deserve to be alive.

The only patches of skin on his arms clear of deep slashes were the skin on his wrists where the veins were raised slightly. It would be too easy to press too hard. That was the reason why Jace always avoided there why he didn't want to do that anymore.

Jace sighed, preparing himself for what he was going to do.

* * *

** Clary POV**

Clary fell onto her bed, too tired to change out of her clothes she'd worn all day. It was past midnight and they'd just got home from the hospital. Luke wasn't doing any better or any worse so the nurses insisted they go home.

Jocelyn didn't want to but ended up giving in when Clary begged her to take them home. They both needed the rest, especially her mother.

Laying in bed before she drifted to sleep, Clary couldn't help but think of Jace. For some reason, he kept popping into her mind. Everything she would think about, she could somehow link back to him. She faded in and out of consciousness wondering what Jace was up to that she couldn't get him off her mind.

Little did she know...

* * *

**Cliffie...sorta**

**I know it's another pretty dark chapter but hey, life isn't always peachy.**

**Please review/follow/favorite! :) They all mean so much to me.**

**Thanks for reading!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Hi! I want to first like to tell you how awesomely amazingly fantastic you all are! Thank you for all of the reviews/follows/faves:) I honestly get so happy when i see one. They make my day. You all are so great! Thanks:)**

**This chapter isn't my favorite, but let me know what _you_ think about it.**

**As always, enjoy!**

**I don't own any characters... :'(**

* * *

**Clary POV**

Clary walked into second period Biology II to find Jace's seat empty. _That's unual_, she thought. _He's always here before the rest of the class._ The bell rang so she hurried to her seat. The teacher handed back the lab sheets with their grades on them.

"Yes!" Clary exclaimed when she was handed their paper. "C+!"

A few people looked at her funny but she didn't care-she thought they'd completely failed that lab. _Too bad Jace isn't here. I'll call him later tonight and tell him-_

_Wait,_ she stopped herself. _Why do you want to call him to tell him something that you could just tell him tomorrow? Or, better yet, why do you want to talk to him? Getting close to people will just hurt you._

She shifted her thoughts to something else to end the argument she was having internally. The teacher continued to drone on about the next unit they were starting. Clary's thoughts drifted back to Jace.

Why was he so appealing to her? Well, he was attractive, there was no denying that. But other than his looks, why was she drawn to him? Honestly, it scared her. The last person that caught her interest, hurt her bad. But for some reason, she wanted to take a chance on Jace. She wanted to let him in and not put up an act for him. She wanted to be herself and open up. Something about him just made her want to forget her past and take a chance for the future, not worrying about or considering the consequences.

Clary sat by herself at lunch because Jace wasn't there. When she glanced at the table where he usually sat with his friends and siblings, there was only Simon and Jordan. She decided to get up and see if they knew where Jace, Alec, and Izzy were. Siblings didn't usually miss the same day unless something was wrong.

"Hi. It's Clary, right?" Simon asked as she sat down across from the two boys.

She nodded. "I just wanted to ask you guys a question," she said quietly.

"Shoot," Jordan said.

She took a breath. "Well, I was wondering if you knew why Jace, Alec, and Isabelle aren't here today."

Simon shook his head. "We've been wondering the same thing all day. I've been texting all of them but none of them will answer."

"Yeah," Jordan said. "They never miss the same day together. It's so unusual for them."

"Something must have happened," Clary said.

Both boys nodded.

"How about we go to their house after school?" Simon suggested. "Then we could all see what's up."

"Okay," Clary agreed. She stood up to leave.

"Wait," Jordan said, looking up at her. "You can sit here if you want...You know, because you were sitting by yourself..." He blushed a little.

Clary laughed to herself. "Sure."

The three made plans to meet up and go to the Lightwood's after school. They were discussing the final details when the bell rang.

"I'll see you two later," Clary called to the boys as she walked out of the cafeteria. As she was walking to her next class, a girl with blonde hair and blue eyes in a cheerleading uniform stopped her.

"I don't know what you're trying to pull, you little bitch, but hands off." She shoved Clary against the lockers.

Stunned by the whole situation, she just stood there for a few moments, dazed. When she looked back at her, the girl was seething and balling her fists. "Um, I'm sorry. What?"

"You need to stay away from him," she spat. "He's mine!" She slapped Clary. Outraged, Clary slapped the girl back and pushed her so forcefully that she ended up against the lockers on the other side of the hall.

"You bitch!"

The girl charged at Clary but was stopped by a boy with black hair and dark eyes. From first glance, she thought he was fairly attractive.

"Now, Kaelie," the boy said to the girl, "Is that any way to treat a new student?"

The girl-Kaelie-glared at him, huffing.

"How about you just run along," he ordered, turning her by the shoulders and directing her down the hall. After she was out of earshot, the boy walked over to Clary. "Are you okay?"

She nodded. _Why didn't you leave when you had the chance? Now you're going to have to talk to him..._

"Sorry about Kaelie. She's pretty crazy."

"I didn't even know what she was talking about."

"No one ever does," he said, laughing a little. "My name's Sebastian by the way."

She nodded.

He raised an eyebrow. "...And your name is...?"

She didn't answer him, she just turned and started down the hall. He grabbed her wrist, causing pain to shoot up her arm from where he his hand was gripping the cut she'd been covering cleverly with a cardigan.

"My name's Clary," she said shortly. "Now let me go." She yanked her arm away and hurried to her next class.

During her last class of the day, Clary couldn't help but miss Jace. They would sometimes talk or joke around during Trig. but not often. Yet still, she missed that.

_Geez,_ she thought to herself. _He's gone for one day and you're freaking out. He's probably just at home playing hookie and you're acting like you'll never see him again. You're going to find out what's up anyways when you go with Simon and Jordan so stop worrying. He's fine..._

She wanted to believe that so bad. But she couldn't. She just couldn't.

After the bell rang and Clary gathered all of her stuff, she headed to the courtyard where they'd agreed to meet to go to the Lightwood's. When she got there, the two boys were standing around, looking out of place and awkward. Simon saw her and offered a smile, pushing up the glasses on his nose.

"Hiya, Clary!" he said as she approached them.

She faked a smile and nodded. "Hi."

"Alright," Jordan said. "All accounted for. Let's go."

Clary thought he was a little too chipper. She was actually kind of scared for what they'd find when they arrived. She really hoped that Jace was okay. She hoped that it was just some sort of silly family thing where they had to stay home. She hoped, no, _wished_ that Jace was okay. She didn't know why she felt this way. Of course, they were friends so she was concerned for him, but oddly she felt like there was a _reason_ for her to be concerned. She was scared to find out why she had that feeling.

Looking up from the ground, where she'd been kicking a stone across the cracked pavement with the toe of her shoe, she noticed that they were fairly close to the Lightwood's. Simon and Jordan were bickering about something out if front of her. Her heart started pounding in her chest as Jace's house came into view at the end of the street. Suddenly, she felt the need to run to the house and go into Jace's room and hug him just to know that he was okay. She didn't quite know what to do with these new emotions of concern for him.

Clary started walking faster and pushed past the two arguing boys. They called to her but she couldn't stop herself. His house was four away from her. She was so close. She felt even more scared.

_It's nothing._ She told herself. _He's fine._

Clary crossed the front lawn of the Lightwood's. She ran up to the door and rung the doorbell impatiently. Waiting a few seconds, she rang it again. And again and again and again. She was about to hit it again when the door swung open to reveal Isabelle in a pretty light blue dress, her hair pinned back.

"What do you want?" she asked desperately and obviously annoyed.

"I need to see Jace," she said.

"I'm sorry, who are you?" she asked. Then realization spread across her face,with a little embarrassment. "Oh! I'm so sorry! You're Clary, right? I'm so forgetful."

Clary nodded. "Okay, but can I please see Jace?"

Isabelle stepped aside, letting her and the two boys who had finally caught up into the house. "Good luck," she said. "He locked himself in his room and won't talk to anyone."

Clary's heart sank. She rushed to the stairs, sprinting up them, taking two at a time. Running down the hallway, she got to the last room on the left: Jace's.

"Jace! Jace, open up!" she cried as she turned the knob frantically and pounded on the door. "Jace! Jace, please! It's Clary!" She wiped tears out of her eyes. _Why am I crying?_ She fell to the floor, kneeling and fumbling in her hair for a bobby pin. Pulling it out of her hair, she stuck it in the door knob, beginning to pick the lock.

"Jace," she whispered, "Please be okay."

* * *

**Hehehe :) I couldn't possibly go on. It was such a good place to stop:) **

**What happened to Jace? Hmmmmmm good question... **

**Please review:) I'd love to know what you think!**

**Thanks for reading!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Hello! Thank you all sooo much for the reviews/follows/faves! You guys rock! :)**

**Also, THANK YOU to ****xxxfae. legendsxxx!**

**Soooo...about that cliffie...yeah, sorry. Hopefully this chapter makes up for it? Maybe? You're gonna find out what Jace did...**

**This took me forever to write. I have like four different versions of this chapter and i think this one is the winner. i knew what i wanted to happen, it was just a matter of how and when...  
**

**Anyways...**

**Hope you like it! Let me know what you think. Review:)**

**I still don't own any characters...**

* * *

**Jace POV**

**(earlier that morning)**

Jace's eyes fluttered open. An immediate shot of pain ran through him, causing him to let out a hiss through his teeth. His head hurt extremely and the light felt like it was stabbing him in the eyes so he closed them. Leaning his head back and hitting cool porcelain, he remembered where he was. He slowly lifted an eyelid and peeked at the bathtub. He was soaking in a tub of water and his own blood.

He went to sit up but fell back to where he started, feeling dizzy and lightheaded, his vision going in and out of focus. His breathing was shallow and rapid. There were dried tears on his cheeks. A cool sweat plastered his hair to his face and neck. He started to raise a hand to move it from his forehead but his hand only lifted a few inches. He couldn't pick it up. His gaze slid over to it and he gasped - which caused him to go into a small coughing fit because of his uneven breathing.

His mind was cloudy. He knew where he was but he couldn't remember why. Seeing his arm cleared that up.

Running the entire length of his right forearm, perpendicular to his wrist, was a slash carved into his flesh. _ Apparently not deep enough,_ he thought to himself. His entire arm, wrist, and hand were covered in mostly dried blood, some spots thicker than others. Experimenting, he picked up his other arm. Just the usual scars and cuts covered that one. Still not moving his right arm, he brought his left hand to it and lightly brushed his fingertips over the wound. Hissing again at the pain, he retracted his fingers.

_Why didn't I die? _he asked himself. He lost a lot of blood._ But apparently not enough_. Not moving his right arm, he gripped the side of the tub and pulled himself so he was sitting up. A wave of nausea swept over him but he fought it down with much force.

He tried to move but found that his range of movement was very minimal. He opened his eyes the whole way, fighting the urge to close them again, and looked around for something to grab onto to help him out of the bathtub. Taking as deep as a breath as he could, he slowly and painfully raised his left arm, grabbing hold of the towel rack. With as much strength as he could gather, he hoisted himself halfway out of the tub.

He held himself there for a few moments before allowing gravity to take over, letting himself tumble onto the floor with a terrible thud. He bit into his bottom lip savagely at the great pain that ensued. He knew he'd have bruises later from the fall. His right arm felt like it was on fire. Waiting for himself to gather more strength, he felt around for a towel and wrapped it - as best as he could with one hand - around his waist.

Gingerly, he sat up, cradling his right arm to his chest. His vision started tunneling. He blinked numerous times before it went back to being semi-normal. There were some spots and blurriness but for the most part, he could see.

He drew in a shallow, shaky breath and began his half-crawl-half-walk out of his bathroom and to his bedroom. He just wanted to lay down and sleep. He felt weak and it disgusted him, but he couldn't do anything about it right now.

He'd made it across the cool tile and reached up and turned the handle. He pushed the door open and continued to his bed. Unfortunately, it was in the complete other corner of his room so it took him a great amount of time and exertion. When he finally got to his bed, he heaved himself on top of it and let the darkness that was creeping into his vision consume him.

* * *

Jace woke awhile later to someone banging on his door. He went to sit up like he did before and got welcomed with pain again. Only this time, his head was clearer and his eyes weren't light sensitive. He didn't feel weak like he did before and could actually move a little.

The pounding on the door was frantic and sporadic. Then he realized that the person was shouting. Then he realized what they were shouting.

"Jace! Jace, open up!"

Then he realized _who_ was shouting.

"Jace! Jace, please! It's Clary!"

Why was she here? She couldn't have possibly known what he'd done and there wasn't really any other reason to be as frantic as she was.

She couldn't see him. Not like this. He tried out his voice so he could tell her that he was fine and she should leave but not a sound came out. He cleared his throat and was going to try again when the insistent pounding ceased. Confused, Jace sat there in the few moments of silence before he heard a scraping noise. His brain was working a lot better now because he knew exactly what Clary was doing. He barely had enough time to throw the covers over himself to hid his bloody arm before-

_Click._

Well she was good at picking locks. Jace might have made a bad joke about it with her if it wasn't for the circumstances.

Then the door flung open. He didn't look up from where is head was peeking out of the sheets. Clary rushed over to his bed and took his face in her hands. Her emerald eyes were puffy and tears were spilling down her cheeks.

"Jace," she breathed. He searched her eyes for what she was going to say next. "Jace, are you okay?"

He didn't trust himself to speak so he nodded slightly. She just looked so damn worried. She looked scared.

For him? He didn't know.

Her hands left his cheeks and she sat down beside him. She pushed his hair off of his forehead and pressed the back of her hand to it. "You're all clammy," she said shakily. "Are you sick?"

He cleared his throat. Testing his voice, he said a simple, "No."

She looked at him with a mixture of skepticism and pity. He hated that look. He didn't like it when people felt sorry for him. He didn't like when he was vulnerable.

She nodded disbelievingly and took her hand from his forehead. She lowered her head and looked at her hands. "I was just so _worried_, Jace," she said, so quietly that he had to lean in to hear. She looked at him and locked eyes. She still looked sad and worried. "I should go," she said quickly, getting up.

He didn't want her to go. Not yet. _Why_, he asked himself. _Why do you want her to stay?_

"Clary," he said, reaching out and grabbing her hand. She stopped and turned around. A gasp escaped her lips as she looked down at their hands and his arm. Jace quickly retracted his arm and shoved it under the covers, looking away.

**Clary POV**

She didn't want to leave Jace but since nothing was severely wrong with him, she figured she should.

"I should go," she said, standing up. Just as she turned and took a step, Jace grabbed her hand, stopping her. She turned around to see what he wanted and got a shock. She gasped at what she saw.

His arm, wrist to shoulder, was covered in red lines laced with white scars. Many of the cuts were fairly fresh. All of them were very deep.

Jace tore his hand from hers and pushed it under the sheet that was over him, not meeting her eyes. She was in shock. She didn't know what to say or do. She hadn't realized that he self-harmed too. Instinctively, her hand moved to her hip and placed it over her own red and white lines. Jace eyed her movement but still didn't meet her gaze.

"I'm sorry," she said quietly.

He didn't say anything but simply rolled over, which, by the pained look on his face, Clary assumed wasn't that pleasant. Now facing away from each other, they sat in silence for a few minutes. Clary turned to leave and was again stopped by Jace, not physically but verbally.

"Stay with me."

It was barely audible, but she didn't miss the hopelessness in his voice. The vulnerability.

She walked back to his bed and sat down beside him. She looked at the poor, broken boy beside her. She felt so bad for him but she knew she shouldn't show it. If they were anything alike - which now Clary realized that they were – she knew Jace wouldn't want her to feel sorry for him.

She lifted her hand and gently placed it on his side. He stiffened under her touch but soon relaxed. Slowly, he rolled onto his back, his body completely underneath the blanket still, and looked at Clary.

"Can you turn around while I change?" he asked in a whisper.

She nodded and turned, facing the opposite wall. She felt the bed shift and then there was a rustling of drawers. Then she heart a soft click signaling that Jace had went into his bathroom. She took this time to look around his room a little to clear her thoughts that were running wild about what she'd just seen. Although she'd tutored Jace for some time, she'd never really looked around his room. She'd always focused on their work.

His room was oddly tidy. Of course, he was a teenage boy so there had to be some mess. A few clothes spilled out of the hamper and there were a few crumpled pieces of paper here and there. Something silver caught her eye. On the bedside table there was a glass frame with a picture of a young boy in it. He had dark hair like Alec and Isabelle but had gray eyes. He wore a silly smirk that reminded her of the one that Jace sometimes wore. Above the picture on the frame said two words: "Beloved Brother."

"Why are you looking at that?"

Clary, startled, turned to see Jace in the doorway of his bathroom. He was wearing dark blue athletic shorts and a gray long-sleeve t-shirt. He was leaning heavily on the door-frame and looked very pale. There were deep circles under his tired, golden eyes.

"I'm sorry." She didn't know what else to say.

He looked at her for a moment, almost studying her, before he crossed the room and collapsed onto his bed. He looked weak. Like he might pass out.

"You don't look so good, Jace," she pointed out.

He laughed soberly.

"I'm serious, Jace. You're all clammy and you look like you're a second away from falling into a coma. Do you want to go to the hospital?"

He snorted. "That wouldn't help me." He rolled onto his back and looked up at her. "I'm just tired."

She narrowed her eyes disbelievingly but she let it slide.

"I just want to sleep."

_Haven't you been sleeping all days? _she thought. _You _did _skip school._

His next words surprised her. "Lay with me?" he asked softly, like a scared child asking a parent to stay with them when it was storming.

Part of her wanted to lay with Jace and part of her didn't. The part that did, saw a boy. A boy that was broken and scared. Hopeless. The part that wanted to leave kept yelling '_Evan! You got close to him and he hurt you! Don't take that chance again.' _The two parts of her started having an internal battle. Finally, she just went with her gut. It didn't usually turn out to be a good thing when she did this but she wanted to take a chance with Jace.

She put on a smile and said to him, "Sure."

He moved over so that there was enough room for her to lay and a reasonable size gap between them. Clary was glad when Jace pulled the covers over both of them because she was a little chilly. Lying on their backs, they stared at the ceiling for some time. Clary's mind was running wild. All the while, trying to hush the voice, now screaming, '_Don't let yourself get hurt! Don't take this chance! It will probably turn out bad!_'

She felt something against her hand that was laying at her side. Jace's hand gently slid over hers, pausing a moment, and then laced their fingers together. Clary was surprised but didn't pull away. Instead, she looked over at Jace. He had his other arm behind his head and his eyes were half-closed, almost sleeping.

"Clary?"

Her eyes widened slightly. "Yes?"

"Thank you." There was a trace of a smile on his lips. He began tracing small circles on her knuckles.

She just nodded. It didn't really seem like the appropriate time to say, 'No problem!' or 'Anytime.'

A few minutes passed.

"Jace?"

"Hmm?"

"Thank _you._"

He lifted his eyelids a little and gave her a lazy smirk. His eyes slid closed again and Clary turned away, looking at the ceiling. A few minutes later, Jace's movement on her hand stilled and his breathing became slow, drawing in deeply. She knew he would fall asleep quickly, he had looked completely exhausted.

Reluctantly, she let go of his hand and slowly pulled the covers off of herself. She got up, careful not to shift the bed too suddenly, and went to the other side of the bed where Jace was. He looked at peace. She pushed the hair out of his face and held his cheek for a moment before pressing her lips to his forehead. He still looked ill but at least he was sleeping.

She grabbed her bag that she'd dropped by the door and left his room, glancing once more at the boy.

**Jace POV**

He pulled the covers over the two of them. He didn't know why, but he needed Clary right now.

After laying there in silence for sometime, sleep started creeping up on him. Feeling particularly brave, Jace slid his hand over to where Clary's was. He took her small hand into his and intertwined their fingers.

"Clary?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you." He started rubbing her knuckles with his thumb.

He was on the verge of sleep when her voice brought him back.

"Jace?"

He was too exhausted to speak actual words. "Hmm?"

"Thank _you._"

He didn't know what she was thanking him for but accepted it none the less.

He was happy to be laying next to Clary, holding hands. He hadn't felt happy for as long as he could remember. He knew he shouldn't get close to her but he couldn't stop himself. He felt embarrassed that she saw his arm but thankfully she didn't see the other one. He didn't know what he could have said to explain what you would call, to be blunt, a failed suicide attempt.

He pushed that thought out of his mind. He didn't want to fall asleep thinking about that. He wanted to fall asleep next to Clary and hold her hand. He wanted to fall asleep being happy. For once. Just this once.

* * *

**Awe.**

**What did you think? Did you like it? Drop a review, yeah?**

**Thank you all! :)**


	12. Chapter 12

**Hey! Thank you, all you amazingly spectacular people! Thanks for all of the reviews/faves/follows! They mean so much to me! And they all make me smile :D**

**As for those who asked about this Evan fellow: I will tell you that he **_**will **_** be explained and things will make sense. Not necessarily in this chapter, but most definitely before the story ends. **

**I'm also deeply sorry this took me longer to update. I'm also sorry to say that not much happens in this chapter...it's kind of a filler...but i promise a good one very soon!**

**So, this is Chapter 12! Hope you like it:)**

**I don't own any characters...**

* * *

"So he's fine then?" Simon asked.

Clary nodded. "He's just sick and wanted to sleep." She decided against telling everyone that Jace looked very bad. She knew he wouldn't want that. She also kept his self-harming to herself as well. She didn't want to be the person who told his family. She didn't think it was her place. Of course she was worried about him, she just didn't think he would appreciate announcing his personal stuff to the world.

Isabelle walked in. "So you got him to talk to you?" she asked Clary.

"Yeah," she replied. "He's just sick."

"Should I make him something to eat?" she offered.

"No!" Jordan and Simon yelled in unison. Isabelle frowned.

"Why?" Clary asked.

"Because," Simon explained, "If he's already sick, Izzy's cooking might just kill him."

Isabelle stuck her tongue out at him. "Fine, Simon."

"Is Jace okay?"

Everyone turned to see Alec in the doorway, looking very concerned.

"Yeah," Isabelle said. "He's sick."

Alec looked even more worried.

"He's okay, Alec," she said, trying to convince her brother.

"I'm going to check on him," he said, crossing the room to get to the stairs.

Clary stopped him. "I think it'll be best if you leave him alone."

He shrugged her off.

"Alec, please. He just wants to rest."

Alec whipped around. "Don't you be telling me what I can and can not do," he hissed. "He's my brother. I know him better than anyone."

"Do you?" she shot back.

He looked appalled. "Of course."

Isabelle interrupted. "Then how come Jace talked to her and not any of us?"

Alec's eyes widened. Then they narrowed when his icy gaze shifted to Clary.

_Well,_ she explained internally, _I kind of picked the lock so that may or may not have something to do with it._

"I don't know why hell he would talk to _her_," he spat, eyeing Clary with disgust.

Isabelle slapped his arm forcefully. "Don't you use that language or tone, Alec," she warned.

He rolled his eyes and started for the steps again. No one stopped him that time.

"Hopefully he'll just let him sleep," Clary said, worried.

"He will, don't worry. He might be a hardcase but he won't wake up his brother when he's sick just to yell at him."

Clary didn't believe her but she didn't say anything.

"I have to be getting home," Simon said. "Clary, want me to walk you?"

"Yeah, thanks."

Jordan added, "I'll go too." He smiled at Clary.

"Okay."

After they bid Isabelle goodbye, they were back on the street, walking towards Clary's house.

"Simon!" Jordan exclaimed as soon as they were on the sidewalk.

He turned, looking startled. "What? What's wrong?"

"You!" Jordan said. "You didn't ask her out yet!"

"Oh." Simon blushed and started walking, grabbing Clary's arm and pulling her with him.

"May I ask who?" she said quietly.

"No!"

Jordan answered her. "It's Izzy. Simon won't ask her out."

She nodded and looked over at Simon. "You should ask her out, you know. It's no secret that she likes you. She won't turn you down." She offered him a weak smile that he returned.

"Thanks, Clary."

They didn't speak the rest of the walk to Clary's. After she said goodbye to the boys, she went inside to find a note on the kitchen table.

_Clary,_

_Please meet me at the hospital as soon as you get home. There is a bus stop down the street that can take you right there. I left some quarters._

_-Mom_

Clary went to the kitchen and poured some coffee into a travel mug. She grabbed the quarters off the table and headed down the street. She knew that this couldn't be a good situation but she hoped that Luke was okay.

* * *

**Jace POV**

He stirred when the door opened but turned over, not wanting to be disturbed. He was teetering on the edge of consciousness.

"Go away," he mumbled, barely coherent.

"Are you okay, Jace?"

Of course it was Alec. Why was he here? _I don't want to talk to you._

"Go away."

"Jace-"

"Go away!" he growled darkly. He was still facing away from his brother.

"Just–are you okay?" Alec stood at the foot of Jace's bed.

"Please, Alec. Just please go away. Please."

Jace pulled the covers over his head. He heard his brother's receding footsteps. After Alec shut the door, he took the covers off and drifted back into a nightmare filled sleep.

* * *

When Jace woke again, he looked at his clock and found that it was almost five A.M.

_Must have slept all night._

He knew he couldn't fall back to sleep so he decided to take a shower. Groggily, he rolled out of bed and made his way to the bathroom. He took off his clothes and looked at his right arm. His forearm was wrapped in a somewhat bloodstained gauze. He slowly unwrapped it, revealing the wound underneath. He gazed at it.

"Why didn't I die?" he whispered to himself. "I deserve to."

He pushed a hand through his hair and stepped into the shower, letting the water flow over him for several minutes before cleaning the gash on his arm. It stung but he didn't want it to get infected. Then he'd have to go to the doctors and he didn't want that.

When he was done, he went to his room, bringing more gauze with him. He gently wrapped his forearm and carefully put on a long-sleeve t-shirt over it. Pulling on a pair of boxers—not bothering with jeans right now, he collapsed onto the bed. He groaned.

_I don't want to go to school today. Hell, I don't want to get up._

He looked at the clock and groaned again. 5:56. He had almost an hour and a half before he would have to leave if he was going to school.

Mindlessly, he walked quietly around the house until he found himself in the small music room they had. Across from the door against the wall housed the most expensive object in the Lightwood's house: a Steinway Studio Upright Piano. A family friend, Hodge Starkweather, had given it to them as a gift for Isabelle, Alec, Max, and Jace. The only ones who took a liking to it were Max and Jace. On occasion, they would play simple, silly duets. Neither of them were very good but Jace could play some songs by ear. He hadn't played in four years.

He didn't plan on playing today either. He just sat at the bench and ran his fingers over the keys, remembering. After awhile, he found himself back in his room. Gathering things for school. When he was ready, it was only seven. He decided to wait downstairs.

When Jace got to the kitchen he found that Maryse was already there, still in her pajamas. He got himself a cup of coffee and went to wait by the door. He did not want to see his mother.

Once he got to school, he found a note in his locker.

_I told you to stay away, Herondale. You better watch your back._

Instinctively, Jace turned around and eyed the space behind him. Save for the few kids hurrying for homeroom, he was alone in the hall. He knew that the note was from Sebastian. The only problem: why was it from him? Who told him what this time that's making him mad?

Shoving the note in his back pocket, he proceeded to homeroom and found that Sebastian was in his usual corner with his usual posse. He was glaring at Jace with an evil glint that gave him an uneasy feeling.

Jace fell asleep during first period History. He couldn't focus on what the teacher was saying and it didn't help that he just didn't care. He was rudely awoken by a metal can of pens being shook very loudly next to his ear. He nearly fell off the chair from being startled.

"Mr. Herondale," the teacher scolded, "do a better job at keeping your eyes open. And, c'mon, are you serious? You sit in the front row. It's not like I wouldn't notice."

Jace nodded. "Next time," he said, "I'll make sure I move to the back of the room."

That earned him a dark look, but the teacher said nothing. Jace was relieved little when the bell rang. He almost didn't want to see Clary. He did. Yet, at the same time, didn't. He was almost embarrassed to face her after she saw his arm. No one knew what he did. No one. Now, she did. What did she think of him now? He was almost afraid of the answer.

Luckily, they were doing book work today in Bio. Clary gave him a look that he couldn't decipher before she dove into her work. He did the same. The work, thankfully, wasn't that difficult. Most of it was copying definitions. He even finished seven minutes before the bell.

After class was over, Jace walked outside, through the courtyard, to the back of the school. He slid down the brick wall and sat on the dirty ground. He pulled out a cigarette and his lighter from his bag. _Better not make this a habit,_ he said to himself, laughing inwardly. He took a long drag from his cigarette and leaned his head against the wall. He closed his eyes and almost fell asleep when a small rock hit his face. He turned, angry, to see who threw it.

"I told you, Herondale. I told you."

* * *

**Cliffie? Sorta...i mean, it's a little obvious who it is...right?**

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**Thank you for reading!**

**P. you want something to do, check out my other story 'In the Air' ! :)**


	13. Chapter 13

**Hello!  
**

**Firstly, I'd like to thank everyone who read/followed/faved/reviewed this story. ********I appreciate it so much:) **You are so awesome! I love you all! 

**Next, I would like to apologize. It's been awhile since I updated. I'm not going to try and give you excuses, I'll just own up to it-I didn't update and I'm terribly sorry. I really am.**

**Lastly, here's chapter 13!**

** I hope you like it!**

**I don't own any characters.**

* * *

**Clary POV**

"Mr. Garroway woke up from his coma this afternoon. He isn't stable yet and isn't ready for visitors, but he is doing better. We are doing all in our power for his well-being."

The doctor left. Clary and her mother went to sit in the waiting room.

"This is good, right Mom? Luke's going to be okay."

Her mother smiled. Clary knew that it was faked so not to show her emotions but she could see right through it. "I hope so."

They stayed at the hospital until late in hopes that they would be able to see Luke but they weren't. When they got home, Clary went straight to sleep because she was exhausted.

* * *

**Jace POV**

"I told you, Herondale. I told you."

Jace looked up at Sebastian who was at the corner of the building. "Why are you doing this, Sebastian? I honestly don't even talk to Maia."

"That's not what I'm hearing."

"What has Maia been saying?" Jace jumped to his feet and, feeling bold, walked up to Sebastian.

"She hasn't said anything. Why would she? It's not like she'd tell me she was cheating on me with _you._" He practically spat the word. "I would be embarrassed if I were her. I mean, come on. Why you? You're so goddamn worthless." Sebastian scoffed.

Jace clenched his jaw and balled his fists. _Calm down, Jace. Don't get angry and do something you'll regret. He's not worth it._ "Worthless, huh?"

"Yeah, that's what I said. Are you deaf now too?" Sebastian put his hands on Jace's chest and gave him a forceful shove back.

It took all Jace had not to let his anger take over. He was fighting it so hard, but he knew that if Sebastian kept it up—which he was probably going to do—he wouldn't be able to control himself. "Yes, I'm obviously deaf. Now tell me what the hell this is about. So you're allowed to cheat on Maia with all of the girls in school but as soon as there's a false rumor about her whoring around you have to go crazy? Is that how it is—"

Before Jace could comprehend what happened, Sebastian had him pinned against the brick wall. "Don't you dare say that about my girlfriend," he growled threateningly. "I will end you."

"That would be nice."

Sebastian's face showed confusion before he switched it back to anger. "What's that supposed to mean?"

A humorless smile spread across Jace's face. "It stands for itself."

_Crack._

Sebastian's fist collided with Jace's jaw sickeningly. Jace let out a small cry of pain.

"That's for being do damn confusing, Herondale!"

Jace tried to talk but he found that he could no longer feel his jaw and mouth. This attempt at speech was rewarded by Sebastian punching him in the stomach and pushing him down. Before Jace could pick himself up Sebastian kicked him in the side. Gasping for breath, Jace held his side and tried to get up.

"Stand up, Herondale! Get up, you worthless piece of shit!"

Jace tried to push himself off of the hard pavement but fell back. He couldn't pick himself up. Sebastian continued throwing insults and hits at him. He still could barely get any air into his lungs. Sebastian was about to kick him again when someone stepped between the two and grabbed Sebastian to stop him.

Jace couldn't see who it was but he could hear shouting and cursing through the small fight that was going on between the unknown person and Sebastian. Then they stopped holding Sebastian back and went to Jace. Unknown arms hurriedly helped him stand up and begin to walk away.

He couldn't tell who was helping him, where he was going, or exactly what was happening. After a few moments of confusion, Jace's world went black.

* * *

**Clary POV**

When Clary woke up, sunlight pierced through the thin curtains hanging on her window. She lazily sat up and stretched her arms, yawning.

"Why didn't my alarm go off yet?" she mumbled to no one. She glanced at the clock on her bedside table and almost had a heart attack.

"8:56!?"

She jumped up from the bed. She was supposed to be in second period at school already. She rushed to get ready and was out the door in ten minutes. Her jacket and bag hastily around her, Clary hurried to walk to school. She was practically running.

When she made it to the courtyard she slowed down so she wasn't breathing heavily or flushed when she walked into class. As she approached the glass doors she heard yelling and some strange sounds coming from behind the building. Following them, she found herself where she was on the first day of school when she had met Jace. Nearing the back of the building, Clary could make out the sounds as grunts and curses being shouted.

_It's a fight._

As she rounded the corner she gasped at the sight. Jace was on the ground not looking well at all as a boy—whom Clary recognized as Sebastian—was repeatedly punching and kicking him. She was frozen, staring for a few moments before she acted on impulse. Clary ran to where the boys were and pulled Sebastian away from Jace.

"What do you think you're doing?" she yelled at Sebastian. She pushed him with all the strength she could muster and punched him in the stomach.

"What do you think _you're _doing, you little bitch?" he spat back, taking a menacing step toward her. Her punch apparently didn't affect him.

Refusing the urge to run away, Clary stood her ground, trying hard not to let his large frame tower over hers. She raised her hands to push him again but he caught her wrists and held them tightly. Grinding her teeth at the sharp pain, she twisted out of his grip. He shrugged her off and turned back to Jace, rearing back to kick him again. Clary caught his leg, throwing him off balance and giving her enough time to rush to Jace. She helped him up and practically carried him away, going as fast as she could holding Jace. Sebastian cursed in their wake but, luckily, did not follow them.

* * *

**Jace POV**

Waking up, Jace was aware of a few things. The first was that he was in a lot of pain; his head was pounding, his abdomen ached, and he felt sick to his stomach. Another was that he lying on the dirty floor of a bathroom. When he looked around some, he figured that it was the girls bathroom. The last thing that he noticed was a redhead was sitting across from where he was laying, sketching in a black leather bound notebook.

Jace made a move to sit up, not wanting to disturb Clary, but failed. He groaned and fell back to the floor, hitting his head a little. Clary looked up from her book, then quickly closed it, moving closer to Jace. Her face showed concern.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

Jace halfheartedly laughed, causing a sharp pain in his stomach. "I don't understand why people ask if you are okay when you obviously aren't." His voice was rough, surprising both Jace and Clary.

"Sorry..."

"That too," he said. "Why do people apologize all the time for every little thing? I don't understand."

Clary became suddenly interested in the hem of her sweater.

_Great,_ he thought. _You scared her._

"I'm not mad at you, Clary," he said as softly as he could.

She looked up but didn't meet his gaze. "Okay." She slid her messenger bag onto her lap and began rummaging through it. She handed him a bottle of painkillers. He took it and looked at it skeptically. "It's stuff for migraines. I get them all the time so I keep some in my bag," she explained. "It will probably help you some." She passed him a bottle of water.

"Thanks," he said after downing a few pills, which was difficult seeing as he was lying down. He looked around. "So why are we in a bathroom?"

"This is the first floor bathroom," she said with a finality that Jace figured she thought those words were explanation enough.

He raised an eyebrow. "Elaborate please."

She looked at him quizzically. "It's the first floor bathroom," she repeated. "No one ever uses it. Come on, Jace. I'm new here and I knew that."

"Well, you may forget, I'm not a girl. I have no use for the girl's bathroom." He passed the bottle of painkillers back to her and tried to sit up again. He managed this time, grunting and groaning the whole time. He sat back and rested his head against the tile wall, closing his eyes. "Why did you take me here?" He opened his eyes to look at her.

She was studying him. In particular, she was studying his right wrist that was resting on his leg. She looked up quickly to seem as if she wasn't staring. Jace looked down, eyes growing wide at the sight of exposed cuts on his arm—his long-sleeve shirt had ridden up. Hastily, he pushed it back down and looked away.

He didn't know why he was embarrassed. She'd already seen his arm. She already knew. But for some reason he couldn't find himself to be angry that she knew. He felt safe that she knew, like he'd confided in her about a big secret, which, when he thought about it, was what he did. However, it was not on purpose.

"Why did you take me here?" he asked again, wanting to end the silence and get an answer as to why he would be brought to a bathroom and not to the school nurse.

"Well," she said, looking up and meeting his gaze, holding it the entire time she spoke. "I knew you wouldn't want a big fuss made if I took you to see the nurse and I wasn't going to drag you to your house. So I picked here. No one will find us. And it's not like you sustained life-threatening injuries."

Jace nodded. "Well." He bit his lip—a nervous habit that he hated. "Thanks, I guess."

"You guess?" A smirk played on her lips.

He shrugged, wincing slightly.

"Do you _want_ to go the the nurse? You seem to be making a lot of faces," Clary said.

He looked up at her. "I'm fine," he said, hoping to convince her and obviously failing.

"You wouldn't say that if you could see yourself." She pointed to a mirror beside him that he hadn't noticed before. He gasped when he saw himself.

His hair was ragged and messy, face pale with dark purple bruises here and there. His lip was split and there was a cut on his left cheek. He drew in a deep breath, exhaling slowly. He looked over at Clary.

"I'm repulsive," he stated.

The corner of her mouth turned up. Then she pushed it back, lips forming a straight line. "I'm sorry," she said. "I shouldn't be smiling. You're hurt."

"I'm fine."

"You're not."

"I'm—"

"You're hurt."

Jace gave up. He glanced back in the mirror. Curious and almost scared, his fingers found the hem of his shirt. Slowly, he lifted it up. Where smooth gold skin was supposed to be, he found deep purple bruises. He ran his fingertips over them slightly, hissing at the pain. He sighed and dropped his shirt. He looked in the mirror at Clary. Her eyes were wide.

"I'm hurt," he said blankly, reiterating her previous statement.

"I can see that." She looked him over. "We should get you some ice."

"I'm fine—" Jace stopped himself.

"I can take you home," Clary said. "We'll have to wait for the bell so we don't get caught sneaking through the hall."

Jace turned away from the mirror. "I don't want to go home."

Clary faltered. "Okay," she said. "You can come to my house, then. My mom isn't home. It's not like she'd care anyways."

Jace looked up at her. Deciding not to comment on her words, he changed the subject. "I hate Sebastian."

Clary smiled a little. "Seems as though he hates you too."

"He thinks I'm hooking up with his girlfriend."

"Are you?"

"Why would you think that?"

Clary averted her eyes. "No reason."

Jace let out a breathy laugh. "Of course I'm not. I don't know who would say stuff like that either. That's the part I don't get."

Clary looked as if she was about to answer when the bell rang out, echoing off the dingy bathroom walls, signaling that third period was over. Clary stuffed a few things in her bag and threw it over her shoulders. She stood up and walked the short distance to Jace.

"Do I have to help you up?" she asked.

He looked up at her. "I'm fine." He pushed himself from the ground and into an upright position. He started to sway and Clary caught him by the shoulders. He looked at her.

"So you're fine?" She put one of his arms around her shoulders and motioned for him to start walking. "Let's go," she said. "We only have a few minutes to get out of here."

They made it to the front doors with only a few strange looks and, thankfully, no teachers stopping them. They remained silent as they walked to Clary's house. When they got there, Jace felt like he had enough strength to walk by himself. He managed to make it to the front door without having to grab onto something for balance. Clary rummaged through her bag and pulled out a key. She unlocked the door and helped Jace inside.

She made him lay down on the couch while she got him ice. She came back with a gallon Ziploc bag of ice cubes. When he raised a questioning eyebrow she said, simply, "We don't have ice packs." He nodded and put the bag on his stomach. It hurt but, at the same time, it felt better.

"Thanks," he said. Clary just nodded and sat down beside where he lay on the couch. "I don't know how I'm going to explain this to Isabelle."

Clary looked over at him and shrugged.

"Or Alec," he went on. "Lately he's been so strange."

"When you were sick," Clary said quietly, "he got angry with me."

Jace sat up, an odd sense of protectiveness taking over. "Did he hurt you?"

She shook her head. "No. He was just angry that you talked to me and not him."

"Figures."

Clary looked at him questioningly.

"He's just— Never mind."

"Um, Okay." Clary looked away. "How about you lay back down. Take a nap or something."

"What about you?"

"I'll read or something." She picked up a book off of the coffee table and held it up.

Jace nodded. He laid back down and moved a little to make himself as comfortable as possible. He closed his eyes, willing sleep to take him away but none came. So he opened his eyes a little and watched Clary.

Her red curly hair was pushed behind her shoulders. She was wearing a white tank top with a blue zipper hoodie over top. The book she was reading rested on her lap.

Contemplating for only a moment, Jace reached his hand over and took hers. A small gasp left her lips and her eyes slid over to his face. She was smiling. Really smiling. He laced their fingers together and gave her hand a small squeeze. She returned the squeeze and then shifted her attention back to the book she was reading.

Feeling tired now, Jace closed his eyes the whole way. Soon he fell asleep, thinking of Clary.

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**Clary POV**

After reading a few chapters, Clary was certain that Jace had fallen asleep. She marked her place in the book and set it back on the table. She looked over at Jace. Minus the bruises on his cheek, he was perfect. He looked like an angel. She didn't want to get close to him but, somehow, trying to avoid him has made him even more irresistible and she found herself doing the one thing that she most definitely did _not _want to do. She knew she shouldn't and she was taking a huge risk but she couldn't stop herself.

Clary was, slowly but surely, falling for Jace Herondale.

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	14. Chapter 14

**Hello! Thanks to everyone who reviewed/followed/faved! You all are so awesome and i'm mentally giving you a high-five :)**

**I'm sorry it's taken me an eternity to update...please don't hate me...  
**

**So this is Chapter 14. Not a whole lot happens, but feelings are discussed...well, not with each other, but internally..**

**I hope you like it! :)**

**I don't own any character... darn...**

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**Jace POV**

Jace woke up from a pleasant dream to find himself comfy and warm; someone—most likely Clary—had covered him with a blanket. Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he sat up, the blanket falling a little. He looked around the room. He saw that the book that Clary had been reading was back on the coffee table. Slowly, he took the blanket off himself and stood up. Pain immediately shot through his body. His stomach hurt and he could feel the swelling of the bruises on his face. Dragging a hand through his golden hair, he started walking, hoping to find Clary.

The first room he walked into appeared to be the dining room. A medium sized wooden table sat in the middle of the floor, four chairs surrounding it—two on each side—with a pretty bouquet of flowers in the center. There were paintings hung decoratively on the wall, all of which were beautiful.

Continuing, he stepped into the next room: the kitchen. The walls were a pale blue, the cupboards white. There was an island in the middle of the room at which Clary sat, facing away from Jace. Her head was bent over a book, her red, curly hair tied back. She didn't look up as Jace soundlessly walked towards her. Jace peered over her shoulder to see what she was drawing and was surprised by what he found.

In perfect detail, Clary was drawing Jace. Not just Jace, but a Jace that had wings: an angel. Black charcoal in contrast with the white of the page; splashes of gold accentuating his features. The drawing was perfect. It made Jace speechless. He would have been able to admire the drawing longer if he hadn't tripped over his feet—he was never ungraceful—and let out a small yelp.

Clary jumped, almost falling to the floor, hastily slamming her sketchbook shut."Geez, Jace!" She turned to him, eyes wide and hand over her rapidly rising and falling chest. "Don't sneak up on me."

Jace averted his eyes shamefully. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you." He took a step back.

Clary stood up. She tried to meet his gaze.

Still not looking at her, "Sorry."

"It's okay, Jace. Really."

Confusing him, Clary took a few steps foward. Curious, he looked up. His hair, still messy from sleep, fell into his eyes.

"Did you see what I was drawing?" Clary asked.

"No," Jace lied. "But you sure know how to draw a god." He bit his lip to conceal the smirk that wanted to show.

Clary's eyes narrowed in confusion before realization swept across her face in an embarrassed flush. "So you did see it," she muttered.

Jace let himself smile a little. "It's really good, Clary. You're a great artist." He paused. "I'm honored that you decided to draw me."

"Don't let your ego get too big," Clary said. "I didn't start out drawing you, I just—" She cut herself off. "Now, you can't laugh," she said, pausing to see Jace's expression.

"I won't."

"I drew you," she said in barely a whisper, "because I couldn't get you out of my head." She looked away, a pink blush spreading over her cheeks and creeping down her neck. "Every time I would think of something else, I could somehow link it back to you. Then I started drawing, hoping to preoccupy myself but—" she motioned toward her sketchbook, "—you see how far that got me." She still didn't meet his eyes.

Jace was astonished. Clary couldn't get her mind off of him? That couldn't be possible, right? Clary, beautiful, quiet Clary, couldn't keep her mind off of him, Jace Herondale, the boy responsible for his brother's death? That couldn't be right. It just couldn't.

Jace let out a humorless laugh thinking of Clary's words.

Mistake.

"You said you wouldn't laugh!" Clary's eyes widened slightly, her blush darkening. She turned around and picked up her sketchbook, pausing before making for the door.

Jace caught her wrist before she could leave, concern flooding through him when he saw the wince and quick intake of breath his action caused. Immediately, he released her, wondering why she'd done that.

"Sorry," he spluttered out, unsure of what to say. Clary looked back at him, eyes wide with a mixture of horror and pain. "I'm sorry," he tried again, stepping back and stumbling slightly.

Clary turned away, head shaking slightly. "No, Jace. Don't be." She met his eyes unwavering, a small, obviously faked smile spreading across her face. "I'm going to my room," she said, turning to walk out the door that she had been stopped from going through before. She glanced at Jace before walking out. When she made it to the steps she called to him; "You can follow me if you'd like."

**Clary POV**

_Why? Why did you invite him to follow you to your room? You were trying to get away from him and you ask him to accompany you?_

Clary started up the stairs, taking two at a time, hoping to hurry before Jace made it to where she was. She couldn't help but wonder why she'd offered him to follow her. After all, she was leaving the kitchen to _escape_ Jace. But she invited anyway. For some reason, the words slipped out of her mouth before she could stop them. Being around him caused her guard to fall down. She couldn't build it back up fast enough and it was deteriorating quickly. She told herself that she didn't want to let him in but she wasn't letting herself have the chance not to.

Hitting the last step, she was in the hallway. Her room was the last one on the left, her mother's and Luke's across from it. She pushed open the door. Her sleeve caught on the door handle, riding up and exposing the deep lines of red. Hastily, she pushed the sleeve back down just in time for Jace to appear behind her, seeming awkward and unsure.

Clary walked into her room, throwing a quick glance around to see if there was anything important or personal out that she didn't want Jace to see, before collapsing onto her bed. She sighed heavily and looked over at where Jace was.

He really was attractive. Her drawing didn't really do his looks justice. The real-life Jace was far more handsome than any drawing could ever be. Clary loved his eyes. The perfect shade... of gold. His eyes were a mystery to her. She'd never seen golden eyes, and Jace's captivated her.

She also loved his hair. It was blonde yet looked golden. It always fell messily around his face, creating a sort of halo. Clary felt that it was unfair that Jace's always looked good. She'd never seen him with bad hair—or bad anything, for that matter. _It's so unfair._

"Hmm?" Jace asked, making his way to her desk and sitting on the chair.

_Had I said that out loud?_ Clary wondered. Jace's expectant expression made her assume that she had.

"What's unfair?" he asked.

"Nothing," she muttered, sitting up. She bent down, untying her shoes and kicking them off. She glanced at Jace. "How are you feeling?"

He opened his mouth, closed it, then said, "Better."

Clary offered him a smile. "That's good. You know," she said, "you look better than you did before."

"You mean I looked bad before?" he asked, raising an eyebrow, the ghost of a smile playing on his lips.

_Of course not, Jace,_ Clary thought. _You look perfect all the time._ She stopped that thought abruptly. _Why are you thinking like this Clary?_ She, of course, knew the answer. She didn't want it to be true but she knew she couldn't stop herself.

"Maybe," Clary said.

Jace faked hurt. "I _did_ look bad before? And to think of it, a girl has never told me I've looked anything less than godly."

Clary scoffed. "Full of yourself much?"

Jace flashed her a grin. A grin that she'd never seen before. One that made him look genuinely happy. Clary wondered if he was. She hoped. He deserved it. "You know it," he replied. He glanced around the room. "What time is it?"

"It's after six."

"In the morning?" Jace's eyes widened.

Clary shook her head. "No, silly. You didnt' sleep _that_ long."

Jace looked somewhat relieved. "Are your parents home yet?"

Clary looked up. "No," she answered tightly, hoping he wouldn't press the subject. Luke was doing better but he still wasn't doing well. Her mother has stayed at the hospital every night for the past week, leaving Clary by herself.

"Oh, when will they be home?" He paused. "I was just wondering how long I was welcomed to stay," he said, almost shy. "I don't really want to go home just yet and didn't know if your parents would mind me being here a bit longer."

"No," she said, shaking her head, "it's fine. You can stay here as long as you want."

_What? You just can't shut up, huh?_

Jace offered a smile of gratitude. "Thanks, Clary. You're—" he cut himself off. "It's really kind of you."

"It's no problem."

_Um, what? 'No problem'? Yes, big problem, Clary!_

Her mind was throwing red flags up but she ignored them. More and more of her was starting to really fall for Jace. She didn't have any idea why but it was like an invisible string that kept pulling her back to him. She hadn't known him that long but she's gotten along with him like she's know him for years. He's the first person in a long time that she hadn't wanted to shut out, to hold her guard steady. She felt comfortable around him; like he could relate—which she knew they could, at least on one level.

When Clary had went to see Jace when he was sick, she least expected what she saw. All of the red lines on his arm. There were so many of them. They were all deep. The red was laced with white scars, showing that it wasn't a new thing for him. On this level, Clary knew exactly how they were similar. When he'd reached out to her and she caught sight of his arm, she wanted to embrace him. She wanted to hold him and ask him to stop hurting himself. He didn't deserve it. He didn't deserve to feel that pain. It just wasn't right.

"Clary?"

_Did I say all that out loud? No... that couldn't be it._

"Clary," Jace said again. "You're staring at me."

She could hear the smirk in his voice. She blushed, turning away.

"I know I'm stunning and everything..." he went on.

_You are,_ she almost said. He looked like an angel. That's why she'd drawn him the way she did: as an angel. An angel with golden wings and sharp, strong features. Molten amber eyes and wispy, slightly curled golden hair that was always perfectly messy in a way that made her want to run her hands through it...

_Whoa, Clary. You're in too deep. There won't be time to turn back if you keep going on like this._

Clary wasn't sure if she wanted to turn back.

"Hello? Earth to Clary."

Startled by the closeness, Clary stumbled backward on the bed. Jace had moved from the chair at her desk to the bed beside her, concern visible on his face.

"Are you okay?"

Hesitantly, he touched her arm. A gesture to be comforting, Clary was sure, but she couldn't help but feel sparks from where his fingers met her skin: ablaze like fire and as exhilarating as electricity.

She had to suppress the quiver that she felt. "I'm..." she started. "I'm—I'm okay." She stumbled over her words, not able to sense anything other than where Jace was touching her. His hand slid down her arm gently, sending jolts through her, and took her hand in his.

"Are you sure?" he asked, obviously concerned.

She apparently wasn't doing a good job of masking her emotions like she'd always been. Jace could probably see right through her right now.

"Yeah, Jace," Clary said. "I'm okay." She stood up abruptly, pulling her hand from his grip and walking toward the door. "Are you hungry?" she asked, not bothering to face him.

Jace didn't answer right away. "Sure."

**Jace POV**

Clary walked out.

_What just happened?_

Why did she look like she'd seen a ghost? She obviously wasn't okay. The only problem: why was she acting the way she was? Just moments ago, they were having a nice conversation. Talking to Clary was new for Jace but still, he'd felt happy. He'd felt like he could open up to her. He knew he shouldn't but he let down his guard some.

He'd smiled too. A real, not forced, genuine smile. Clary was the only one that's been able to get a smile out of him in four years. He'd never felt truly happy until he met her. Sure, they barely knew each other, but he felt like they'd known each other for years and they could connect in a way that he'd never been able to with anyone else.

It felt strange and new. Jace was treading unknown territory and he wasn't sure if it was a good thing or not. He wasn't sure if he would come out of this unscathed or if he would hurt even more people in the process, but he was willing to try.

Jace stood up from Clary's bed and followed her down the steps.

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	15. Chapter 15

**Hello there, people! Everyone who read, followed, reviewed, faved is so awesome and i love you all!**

**Sorry it's been forever. i have so much homework it's ridiculous.**

**Chapter fifteen!**

**Hope you enjoy!**

**I don't own any characters.**

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"Do you want to watch a movie?"

That's how this started.

Now that Jace thought about it. He didn't really mind. Where he was in the world at this exact moment was nice, and he wanted to stay there for awhile.

* * *

After Clary and Jace made some dinner—mac 'n cheese—they popped some popcorn and decided to have a movie night. Both of them were a fan of horror movies so they decided to watch_ Insidious_ and _Insidious Chapter Two_. Neither of them were too scared, though Jace did notice Clary jump slightly a few times or grasp the blanket that was draped over them.

When they started the second movie, night had already fallen. In this movie, more so than the first, Jace saw—or rather heard—Clary's breath catch. She jumped a few more times, making it obvious that she was beginning to become scared.

After a particularly startling part in the movie, Clary jumped again, this time reaching out and taking hold of Jace's arm. His breath caught at the sudden contact but when he looked at Clary's terrified expression, eyes glued to the television screen, he realized, thankfully, that she hadn't heard. As he looked back to watch the screen, Clary's other hand joined the first one on Jace's arm. She scooted closer to him, as if needing a sense of protection.

Jace had long forgotten about the movie, thinking instead about Clary. She was invading his every thought. He had to admit, from the first moment he'd seen her—when she'd kicked his leg and demanded use of his cigarette lighter—he'd thought she was beautiful. He loved the way her unruly, red curls fell on her shoulders, framing a pale face; her blazing emerald green eyes mesmerized him.

He loved her personality as well. She wasn't too open with most people and would probably be considered shy by others. Jace liked her attitude toward things and life in general. She was kind and helpful—she'd offered to tutor him the first day they'd met.

Jace didn't particularly know why he was drawn to this girl but he decided that he was going to let things play out, not wanting to let the impending possibility of him hurting someone get in his way.

Clary gasped very audibly. Her fingers dug into his arm, causing him to wince as she pressed into the multiple cuts on his arm, and she buried her head in his shoulder. Jace put an arm around her quickly, an odd protection instinct taking over.

"Shh, it's okay, Clary," he said in a soothing voice.

She looked up at him and offered a very weak smile.

He raised an eyebrow. "I thought you _liked_ scary movies," he said.

Clary wiped a hand across her cheek. "I _do_. I just don't remember this one being that . . ." She searched for the right words. "Jumpy," she said finally.

A loud noise from the television startled both of them. As Jace looked at what was going on in the movie, he saw that it was a parent yelling at a little boy. Not just yelling, they were screaming. Jace felt Clary tense in his arms and he turned to look at her.

Her gaze was locked on the television, her countenance being that of extreme horror. She began shaking slightly and her breath had quickened significantly. Her grasp on his arm had tightened to where it was almost unbearable—he was sure he was going to have bruises joining the cuts on his arm.

"Clary," he said softly, trying to get her eyes away from the scene on the movie. "Clary," he repeated himself in a stronger, more forceful voice. She still didn't look at him. Her breath was coming out in gasps now. "Clary," Jace said loudly, taking her face with his free hand and making her look away from the television.

Her eyes were glassy with a terror that he'd never seen, tears glistening in their corners. Her lips were parted, the bottom quivering severely. Her body was shaking. Unsteadily, she let got of his arm and attempted to get up, failing and falling to the floor.

"Clary!" Jace jumped from where he was to help Clary sit up. He was crouching next to her. He saw that the tears she had been holding back spilled down her cheeks, sobs racking her body. She was mumbling something that he couldn't understand. "Clary," he said, softly, gently. "It's okay." He sat down beside her and put and arm around her shoulders, pulling her to him. She let her head rest on his chest, but he could tell she was hesitant about it. "Shh," he cooed gently.

They sat like that for a time, leaving Jace to wonder why Clary had reacted how she had. He knew that she had already been uneasy watching the movie, but the scene where the parent was screaming at their child caused her to have, what he assumed was, a panic attack.

The realization came to him after he thought about it for a long time: Clary must have been verbally abused. She must have been screamed at before by her parents or someone she loved for her to have the reaction that she did. She must have been traumatized for her to have a panic attack.

Feeling extremely protective of Clary, Jace pulled her tighter to him, wanting her to feel safe. He realized that she was muttering something over and over again. After a few moments of intent listening, Jace realized that she was saying a name.

_Jonathan._

His first thought was: _How does she know my real name?_ But then he realized that she must have known someone else with the name Jonathan because he had never told her his real name and no one ever called him that. It's always been Jace, it will always be Jace.

Clary whimpered, bringing him back to the situation at hand.

"Shh, Clary. It's okay," he said softly. He began to rub circles on her back in an attempt to soothe her.

She shook her head, lifting it up slightly to look Jace in the eyes. Her expression startled him. She shook her head again. "It's not okay," she whispered, voice cracking. She looked away. "Jonathan," she breathed. She clenched her eyes shut and tried to steady her breathing.

On instinct, Jace lifted a hand and brushed Clary's hair from in front of her face. "Clary," he said, trying to get her to look at him but failing. Her eyes were forcefully staying shut. "Clary, what's wrong? Talk to me."

She peeked an eye open and shook her head. She rubbed at her eyes and then dropped her hands to her lap. "I'm sorry," she muttered, not meeting his gaze.

"Don't be sorry," he said, holding her closer to him. "I just want to know what's wrong."

She looked up at him with tear filled eyes. "I don't want to talk about it," she mumbled. "Okay, Jace?"

He opened his mouth in protest but thought better of it. "Okay, Clary," he said. He glanced around. "Want to sit on the couch? Instead of the floor, I mean."

She nodded and he helped her up, sitting down on the couch. He took a seat next to her and before he could stop her, she curled up next to him, head resting between his shoulder and his neck. He chuckled inwardly at her unusual behavior and put his arms around her. He realized that he shouldn't be doing this, that it would probably just hurt Clary in the end but he couldn't dwell on that thought too long for a reason that he'd never imagined.

In the process of snuggling herself to Jace, Clary's shirt had ridden up and her jeans had slipped down slightly, revealing a strip of pale skin and something that Jace had never thought he'd see on Clary.

On her right hip, trailing above and below the exposed skin, were at least a dozen deep, red cuts. White scars from past inflicted wounds joined the red lines. Some cuts were jagged, whereas others were straight and appeared to be deeper, showing that those had been more deliberate.

Seeing this hurt Jace. He felt guilt in the pit of his stomach, as if he was the one who did this to her. He knew she would hate him if he ever told her this, but he also felt sorry for her. He felt sorry that she thought that she needed to do this; that she thought this was the only way to get rid of the pain. Of course, he had no room to talk, but he didn't want her to do this to herself. She didn't deserve it.

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As Jace laid on the couch now, Clary curled up at his side, her head on his chest and hair tickling his chin, he felt happy. He knew he didn't deserve this happiness and he probably shouldn't be happy about why Clary was so out of character and wanted to be held but he didn't care.

When Jace had first woken up, it was still dark outside, but now that it was getting lighter he realized that it was morning.

Jace was lost in thought when Clary finally stirred. She stretched a little, but then snuggled right back up to his side, causing him to smile slightly. He twirled a red curl between his fingers to pass the time.

He decided that he should probably call home and tell them where he was, but the more he thought about it, the more he just wanted to stay on the couch, Clary in his arms. He was, however, still hesitant about this whole situation. He didn't like getting close to people, so this was all new to him.

Clary moved and sat up slightly. A moment later, she hastily pushed her shirt down over her right hip. She shot a glance at Jace as if to find if he'd seen the cuts. He acted nonchalant, returning her gaze with a blasé look, but he couldn't hide the small grin spreading across his face when he caught sight of her morning hair.

Clary appeared to be in a lighter mood than when she fell asleep. "What are you smiling about?" she asked.

He shrugged.

She rolled her eyes and looked around the room. "Sorry about last night," she muttered.

The smile left Jace's face. "About that—"

Clary cut him off. "I don't want to talk about it, Jace."

He opened his mouth but she spoke again. "I"m sorry. It's just—there's . . ." she tried to find a word. "Stuff," she said finally, "in my past that I don't really want to talk about or dwell on." She paused. "I just want to forget, you know?" She looked at him with an expression that reminded him of looking at a small, innocent child.

He shook his head. "There's stuff I want to forget to." _But I can't,_ he added in his head. "Well, not necessarily forget, but move on from. To cope."

Clary nodded. "That's how I feel."

They fell into a silence. But it was comfortable. Jace didn't feel compelled to say anything and he didn't feel uneasy being this close to a person—Clary was still in his arms, leaning against him.

After what seemed like just a few moments—though it was not—Clary spoke up, talking in a small voice.

"Jace," said Clary. "There's something I've been meaning to ask you about."

He was confused. He couldn't think of anything that she would need to talk to him about.

He raised an eyebrow and she continued.

"Do you remember when you were sick and I came to see you?"

_When was I sick?—oh yeah..._

He nodded.

"Well," she said, her eyebrows knitting together, her expression similar to confusion or deep concentration. "I—I need to ask you about—" She paused. "—about what I saw," she finished.

_Nope, not ready for this talk._

"What do you mean?" Jace asked, his voice alarmingly dry. He nearly choked on his words. He knew what she was talking about.

She looked up at him, emerald eyes full of—concern?

"I mean this, Jace." In one motion, Clary took his left arm into her hands and pushed up the sleeve, exposing the many cuts adorning his wrist to his elbow where his shirt was bunched up.

With a sudden intake of breath, Jace flushed, gaping at Clary. He attempted to pull his sleeve down but Clary prevented him. She looked hurt.

"Why?" she asked, her voice small but sincere. Worried.

Jace bit at his lip and turned away. His hair fell into his face and he itched to push it away but stopped himself. "_I don't want to talk about it_," he snapped, reiterating her previous words. He felt Clary tense in his hold—his right arm was still around her.

_Great, now you've done it: scared her._

"Please, Jace—"

"Clary, it's not something I really want to talk about." He tried to take his arm from her hold but she held firm.

_It's not like she has any room to talk_, he thought to had seen the self-inflicted wounds on her hip.

"Jace," she said, looking him right in the eyes. "Please. I don't want you to feel like you have to do this to yourself. You don't deserve it. Just—If there's something I could do—"

He cut her off. "There isn't. There's shit in my life that you don't know about. Shit that would make you never want to talk to me again. I'm poison, Clary. I hurt everyone I get close to. I don't want to hurt you."

_Well, you just don't have a filter today do ya? _the voice of his conscience said.

"You're not going to hurt me, Jace," she said quietly, still keeping his gaze. Her expression, however, had gone from concern to fright.

Jace took his arm from around Clary and moved away from her. "I probably will, Clary."

Her eyes pleaded with him. "You won't, Jace. I know you won't."

"You don't know me," he shot back, standing up. She stumbled to her feet as well. He added, "And I don't expect you to."

"I know that you cut," Clary said plainly. "I know that you have zero self esteem and even smaller self worth." She took a step toward him. "I know that you don't feel like you deserve happiness. But you do, Jace. You deserve happiness so much."

"And what about you?" The words tumbled out of his mouth before he could stop them.

Clary's eyes narrowed slightly. "What about me?"

"Isn't that how you feel?" he asked a bit too venomously than he'd intended. "Don't you have little to none self esteem and self worth. You feel the same way about yourself. You don't think you deserve anything."

She visibly tensed at his words. "You have no idea what I've come from," she said, deadly calm. "You have _no_ clue what horrific _shit_ I've had to go though, Jace Herondale." She took a step toward him. He was too shocked to move. "So yeah," she continued, "maybe I feel sorry for myself. Maybe I don't have that good self esteem. Maybe I feel like I don't deserve anything. _So what_?" Tears glistened in the corners of her eyes, dangerously threatening to spill.

Jace was dumbfounded. "I didn't mean—"

"Didn't mean what, Jace? Huh?" She poked him hard in the chest. "Didn't mean make me upset? Didn't mean to make me mad at you?"

He stood his ground. "I didn't mean to hurt you. I didn't mean to bring this up." He stepped toward Clary. They were inches apart. "I didn't mean to make you angry with my words. I—I hadn't realized that you were going to react like this. And yeah, I have _no idea_ what shit you've gone through, but I want to." Without hesitation, Jace took her hands in his. "I want to know what you've gone through so I can help you, so I can make you understand that you are worth way more than you think."

He finished. Clary was staring at him with a look of surprise, guilt, and embarrassment. She hadn't moved away from him though.

Jace glanced down at their entwined hands. _Why had he taken her hand?_ He didn't know why he felt so comfortable around Clary. It was to the extent that he allowed contact like this. He never held hands with people.

A shrill ringing broke Jace away from his thoughts. Clary let go of his hands and picked up her cell phone from the coffee table, tapping the screen and holding it up to her ear.

"Hello?"

Her face paled immediately, eyes widening.

"Okay," she managed, taking her phone from her ear. She glanced at Jace. "I have to go _right now_," she said quietly. She left the room quickly and returned with her messenger bag.

"Let me come with you," Jace offered.

Clary stopped walking, still facing away from him. She hesitated, then, "Come on then."

Jace picked up his jacket from the couch and followed Clary out of the house.

* * *

**Sort of a cliffie...**

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